I'm Not Really Here
by poe1911
Summary: Xander dies, but when did that stop any of the Scooby Gang.
1. I'm not Really Here

A/N: Just another of those wicked little plot bunnies. I'll have at least one more chapter, maybe more if my muse is less ellusive than usual. It goes without saying that I do not own the rights to Buffy or any other creations of Joss's or any of the parasitic suits that produced the show. I don't mind reviews, but pointless rants just hurt my head; so please keep things coherent. Thanks to Cathode for letting me bounce ideas off of her, and thank you dear reader for taking the time to read my little tale. Enjoy.

Poe1911

I'M NOT REALLY HERE

ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE

He was one of the Powers that Be; he has a name but since it's kind of unpronounceable, let's call him Bob. Bob was looking over the Sunnydale situation and not liking what he was seeing. There was a critical juncture coming up, a second vampire was going to get a soul which would derail the Sanshu prophecy, the witch was going to try to destroy the world and might succeed, and the slayer was about to be seriously injured, possibly killed. With only a moment of thought, Bob came up with a way to nip all of these potential situations in the bud, as well as extract a bit of wholly justified revenge on that wisecracking little punk that had the audacity to thwart a Codex prophecy all by himself. Vengeance and other such petty motivations were not supposed to factor in to what moves the Powers made with their pieces, but; Bob sighed then smiled, sometimes you have to crack a couple of eggs to make a cake. He resumed observing Sunnydale; he was going to enjoy this.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spike had fired up his stolen motorcycle and was looking back at the lights of Sunnydale, he realized then that he might fail in his quest, and thus never see Buffy again. He shook his head; he just had to see her one last time. He parked his bike a couple of blocks away, and walked into the Summers back yard. It was very early morning, and Buffy was sitting at the kitchen table working the crossword from the paper, enjoying the quiet.

Lost in the view, Spike didn't really notice that it was becoming easier to see her until it was too late; the sun was up, and he was trapped. He looked around and saw that the only hope he had was a corner by the house and the fence. There were a couple of bushes as well, so the area should always be in the shade, it would be uncomfortable, but it was survivable. Quickly he made his way over to the dark haven and sat down to wait out the day.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he was aware of was the sound of voices; Droopy was talking to Buffy, and apologizing from the sound of it. Then a third person came into view, yelling about something or other. Spike would have ignored him, except the brainless wanker was pointing a gun at Buffy. Spike noticed two things quickly, that both he and the ponce with the gun were in the shadows, and that Droopy had put himself between Buffy and the gun. With all the speed he had, Spike reached out and snatched the gun from the twit's hands and then clubbed him on the back of the head. The chip fired, but Spike figured that a little pain was worth it if it kept Buffy safe. Then something weird happened. It was almost like something else took over his body, he was aware of Droopy moving towards him and thanking him for what he'd just done; but then for some reason he just raised the gun and emptied the clip into the sodding Nancy Boy's chest. As soon as the gun locked empty, it was as though control was returned. He looked up and Buffy was hysterical holding the Whelp in her arms, she was covered in his blood. It started to dawn on Spike that he had just committed one of the few unforgivable sins in Sunnydale; he had just hurt Xander Harris in front of one of his girls. He dropped the gun and was starting to move towards the gate when he heard a noise, voices to be precise. He looked up to see Red and her Girl-Toy standing at an open window, they both looked irate, and the fact that both of them had globes of fire bouncing on their palms tipped him off to the fact that they were a little upset with him. Before he could move another inch, a word of command was spoken and he watched as the twin fireballs raced towards him. All he could say was "bugger" before he was incinerated.

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Bob gave a little grunt of satisfaction as he watched the events play out as he had wanted them to. He was preparing to take care of another unacceptable situation in San Francisco when he was roughly grabbed and spun around. The protest died on his lips when he realized he was facing the angel Raguel, commonly referred to as the 'vengeance of the Lord' or 'God's assassin'; and the angel didn't look happy to see him.

"What have you done fool" the angel roared, flames dancing in the back of his eyes.

"What I was given providence over, tending the plan for Earth."

"And the killing of Alexander Harris?"

"An unfortunate outcome I'm afraid."

"You shallow fool, do you realize that he and his line to come was one of the chosen of the Most High; now you have destroyed a millennia worth of work and quite possibly compromised the master plan itself."

"I did not know" Bob said "I will of course do everything I can to help in this trying time."

"No you shall not" the angel answered pulling his sword, which burst into flames as he raised it "there is a reason that I was summoned and not the angel of penance."

All Bob had time to do, before the sword came down was say "bugger".

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Xander looked around, but all he could see was light, it was kind of wigging him out.

"Hello" he called out, but the only sound he heard was the echo of his own voice. Now he was seriously freaking out, he had no idea where he was and he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there. Heck, he could hardly remember Sunnydale. He looked around again, what the heck was going on. He had just resolved to start walking in one direction and see if he ran into anything when he heard a voice behind him, a voice he recognized.

"Xander"

He turned and there was Joyce Summers, suddenly he didn't care where he was or how he'd gotten there. He lunged forward and swept her up into his arms, tears of joy streaming down his face. "I've missed you Mom" he said.

"I've missed you son, and I want to thank you for what you've done for the girls."

"It's not much" he said blushing, then he sobered up "I'm dead aren't I?"

"Yes you are, but the problem is that you're not supposed to be here for another forty years or so."

"Forty years" Xander said with a gulp.

"Yes" Joyce sighed "you had quite the destiny in front of you, it wouldn't have been easy but you would have been very happy."

"Would have?"

"Yes, but now everything is in flux because some idiot up here overstepped his authority."

"So I'm dead because of an angelic bureaucratic snafu" Xander asked, anger boiling up in him.

"Yes dear" Joyce said, putting a calming hand on his arm "but because it was the fault of someone up here, you've been granted a choice."

"What is it?"

"You could continue up to Heaven, or you can go back."

"That's an easy one; I want to go back of course. So let's get going, beam me down Scotty."

"Well there is one small problem" Joyce said with a bit of trepidation in her voice.

"And that is?"

"You have no physical body, so you can't return as Xander Harris."

"So you mean I can only be re-incarnated, what good is that; I'll be an infant. There's no way I could help, you guys owe me another option."

"There is one" Joyce replied cautioously "your spirit can return, but you have no body, and on Earth there is a champion who's body is alive, but the spirit has ascended and cannot return."

"So you'd put my spirit into another body."

"Exactly"

"Would I have my memories and knowledge, the bodies, or both?"

"You would stay who you were, your knowledge, your experiences, everything; you would just have a different body."

"Would I be near Buffy and the gang, would I be able to help them?"

"You will be able to help them, but Xander; over a year has passed on Earth since you died."

"What's happened" Xander asked quietly."

Joyce waved her hand and there was a view-screen in front of them; then Xander saw it all, his funeral, the coming of the First, the calling of the slayers and Anya's sacrifice; wearing the amulet to close the Hellmouth. "They're amazing" Xander said, awe in his voice. "Can I see her, Anya I mean" Xander asked.

"No dear you can't" Joyce replied "she is meeting with Him right now, and there's not time."

Xander shook his head "how do they keep fighting" he asked as his eyes returned to the images of the last year.

"They only did what you inspired them to do Xander, you were always their heart, you still are."

"Then I need to be back there" Xander said, a hint of steel in his voice. "Is there anything I need to know before I head back down" Xander asked.

"Just this, the body you're returning to was badly damaged, but it has now been fully restored, so you'll be in top shape once you get there" Joyce said "and Xander, please tell the girls I love them and I'll see be watching."

"I will Joyce" Xander said "and I'll see you around Mom."

"Good luck son" Joyce replied, and there was a hint of laughter in her voice.

Xander wondered what that was all about when his world went white again.

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BACK ON EARTH

Xander opened his eyes, then slammed them shut again as they were assailed by light, fortunately it was just sunlight and not that weird heavenly stuff. His body felt stiff, but OK; like it hadn't moved in a while. Eyes half lidded, he stood up and headed for what he hoped was the bathroom. He went to ease his bladder, but soon realized that there was some very crucial equipment missing. His eyes came fully open and he gaped into the mirror. "You have got to be kidding me" he said in Cordelia Chase's voice.


	2. Fondest Wishes, and other Nightmares

A/N Insert the usual disclaimers here. I don't think this is the final chapter, but I'm not sure when I'll post the next one (or if). It all depends on my ever elusive muse. Anyway, thanks to those who have read and even more to those who have reviewed, I appreciate the time and effort.

POE1911

FONDEST WISHES, AND OTHER NIGHTMARES COME TRUE

Angel stared out the window of his office and brooded; hey, you always go with your best pitch. If you had told him a couple of years ago that he would end up as the CEO of Wolfram and Hart, he would have laughed in your face then punched you out, but here he was. He hated it.

Ever since Cordy had stopped being Cordy Angel had felt adrift, rudderless; like he was simply moving from one bad decision to a worse one with no end in sight. Angel found himself missing her several times a day, her comments and her no bullshit attitude was a constant reality check. And she kept him grounded, it kind of amused Angel that Cordelia had ended up performing the same function for him that Xander had done for Buffy. In that respect it wasn't such a surprise that the two had been close. Even their outcomes were similar, one dead and the other in an irreversible coma. It wasn't fair, the normal members of the group suffered the greatest losses, then they were discarded; there were times that Angel really despised the Powers. He resumed brooding and kept it up until Fred Burkle burst into his office talking a mile a minute. The petite Texan was talking so fast that Angel could only catch about half the words, and what he was catching wasn't making any sense. Finally getting fed up with it he yelled out "Fred, take a breath or two and then tell me again, slowly, what has you so worked up".

Fred took a couple of exaggerated breaths and then said "she's awake" with an ear to ear grin on her face.

"Cordelia" Angel asked his voice almost reverent.

Fred nodded, grin firmly in place "at about 8 this morning she just got up out of bed and went to the bathroom. Then she started freaking out, I guess because of her hair now that it's long and brunette again."

"Maybe" Angel said with an almost smile of his own "or she saw herself in the hospital gown." He mused for a second or two and then turned to Fred again "so she's still in the hospital"?

"Uh-huh, she was told that the doctors had to make sure she was fine, so they're running a bunch of tests. They were told not to let her go until we arrived."

"Good" Angel said "you and Wes get her some clothes; the rest of us will meet you at the hospital." His gaze returned to the window as he heard Fred head out the door; it wasn't pure happiness but it was sure close Angel thought, his Cordelia was back.

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Xander was bored and frustrated and angry, especially angry. He was angry at the Powers for the whole gender switcheroo, angry at himself for not asking, but mostly he was angry at Deadboy both for not protecting Cordy, and for not calling him when she had been in trouble, or the hospital or whatever. He honestly couldn't figure out why no-one had picked up the phone and told him when there had been trouble, or when Cordy needed a friend or help. Part of him thought that Angel had simply been jealous, and part of him was afraid that Cordy just didn't care enough to keep him in the loop; but mostly he figured it was simply that they led very involved lives and had grown apart. In a way that was the scariest possibility of all.

Unfortunately he didn't have any kind of direct outlet for his anger at the moment, there were no demons to pummel or anything like that, so he had to be satisfied with glowering and sniping at the doctors who were performing a boatload of weird tests on him.

At first he had told them "no" to every test they suggested, but finally the department head came in and basically said that 'no tests' meant 'no get out'. After hearing that, Xander agreed to the tests. After hearing that, the docs had started swarming, until he had made them all stop and explain exactly what they were doing and why; they had pouted worse than Buffy, but did what he asked. Unfortunately one of them tried to take the opportunity of his being distracted by all the explanations to jab a syringe full of something into his arm. Xander had surprised himself by being both fast enough to grab the Quack's hand before the needle got to him, and strong enough to accidentally crush the guy's hand. He had felt a little bad about that, but mostly he was wondering what had happened to Cordy's body.

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Fred couldn't help but rush ahead of Wes, she was so looking forward to seeing her friend again. She burst into the room and saw Cordelia sitting in the bed with a very irritated expression on her face. Fred launched herself at the larger woman and grabbed her in a fierce hug and said "ohCordyIcan'tbelieveyou'reawakeaftereverythingthat'shappenedtoyouI'msorrywedidn'tknowyoureallyweren'tyoubutnowyou'reawakeandeverything'sgonnabeOK" in a Willow worthy burst. It took Fred a moment to realize she wasn't being hugged back and that Cordy wasn't saying anything. Disentangling herself a bit she looked at Cordy and saw an odd expression, almost a grimace, on her face. "Cordy" Fred asked in confusion.

"Uh, no offense and I'm glad you're happy that I'm awake and everything, but who the hell are you lady?"

Fred looked at the other woman, uncertainty clearly written on her face "you don't remember me" she asked in a small voice.

"Sorry but no" came the reply.

Before Fred could say anything the door opened up and Wesley walked into the room.

"Hey Wes, you're looking different" Xander said.

Wesley stopped in confusion and Fred took the opportunity to ask "why do you recognize Wes but not me"?

Realizing that these people were Cordelia's friends and they deserved an explanation Xander said "there's a reason for that but how about I get dressed first, Deadboy ought to be here by the time I'm done and that way I don't have to repeat the story."

Wes's eyes snapped up when he heard the name Cordelia used for Angel, but he didn't say anything, he just handed Cordelia the clothes that Fred had picked out for her. As the bathroom door closed Fred asked "what's up Wesley"?

"Well Fred, I have a suspicion, but it sounds too incredible."

"More incredible than what we usually deal with?"

"Well beyond that Fred" Wes said "well beyond that"; he cast a hard look at the bathroom door and said no more.

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It had just taken the news that Cordelia was awake for Angel to pry Lorne away from the Client meeting he was in the middle of and together they tracked Gunn down then the three of them headed for Cordelia's hospital.

When Angel walked into Cordelia's room he should have known something wasn't quite right. First of all, Wes and Fred were across the room from her and she was leaning against the wall in a not very Cordelia-like way; Fred looked confused, Wes looked suspicious and Cordelia looked very uncomfortable. But the most obvious evidence was the fact that Cordy was wearing minimal make up, her hair was in a simple pony-tail and her dress was rumpled, as though she had difficulty putting it on. None of that registered with Angel though, all he saw was Cordy, his Cordy; awake and alive nothing else mattered. He was across the room in a heartbeat and scooped the tall brunette into his arms all the while muttering "thank God". He leaned in for a quick kiss but was brought up short when Cordelia put her hand over his mouth and hissed "you kiss me Deadboy and I'll scream 'rape' at the same time I'm kicking your nuts so far up your throat that you'll be able to gargle em."

Angel stepped back, not wanting to believe what he'd just heard "What did you call me" he asked.

"Deadboy" Cordelia replied "would you have preferred 'Captain Hair Gel', 'the Broodmeister', 'the Forehead Avenger', I've got more."

Xander almost laughed out loud at the different reactions to what he'd just said. The big guy in the suit looked like he was about to laugh and was mentally taking notes on things to call Angel; the green guy just looked a bit bemused; the girl, Fred he remembered, looked offended that anyone would speak to Angel that way; Wes looked upset but satisfied, like he'd just figured everything out; and Angel looked like someone had just run over his puppy with a steamroller, an odd blend of anger and sorrow and confusion.

"Your not Cordelia, are you" Wesley asked from across the room.

"Not exactly" Xander said "this is her body, but her essence, soul, spirit, whatever you want to call it has ascended, and can't come back".

The revelation caught them all flat footed but Angel recovered the fastest, maybe because he was angriest; he grabbed the person in front of him firmly, but not painfully by the throat. "Then who the hell are you" Angel asked, menace in his voice.

The person didn't look intimidated in the least "I'm hurt Deadboy, I've given you enough clues, heck I though you were smarter than this" there was a moment's pause "OK how about this, your nasty alter ego and me in a hospital corridor, you've got some lilies in your hand and you're there to turn Buffy; catching a hint now?"

Angel released the person and stepped back quickly "Xander" he spat out.

"Well it's about time, no cigar for you; but maybe for Wes, he figured it out first."

"So exactly how did this all happen" Wesley asked because Angel looked incapable of speech at the moment.

"Well it's kind of an involved story; short version is that I died prematurely because one of the Powers got a bit uppity. Anyway, because of how I died, they gave me a choice between moving on and coming back. I opted to come back. The only problem was that my body was dead and I did not want to be a Xanbie. The solution the folks upstairs came up with was to put my spirit in the body of a champion whose spirit had moved on. They repaired the damage to the body and I moved in. I didn't realize it was Cordy until I woke up, although the smile Joyce had on her face when we said goodbye should have tipped me off."

"So what happens now" Angel asked.

"Well originally I was just gonna head out, but now I've got a couple of concerns; one is how do I approach the gang, I've been dead for over a year and they've kinda moved on with their lives; two is that I've already done some freaky stuff with Cordy's body, surprising strength and stuff like that not to mention the whole getting used to being a female. So I was hoping I could stay with you all a bit, that way I'd have time to map out a plan for blending back into everyone's life, plus Fred here could give me the whole low down on getting in touch with my feminine side.

The members of the 'Fang Gang' looked at each other, they had been together long enough that each could tell what the other was thinking; once a consensus had been reached Wesley spoke up. "It's not that we don't believe you, but could you sing a little something for us?"

"Sure, why?"

"Lorne here is an anagogic demon, he can get set you on the right course if he hears you sing."

"And tell if I'm a white hat or black hat."

"Yes, that too."

"OK" Xander said "here goes".

If there had been any question about whether or not it was really Xander was answered as soon as he/she/whatever started singing: _"ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety nine bottles of beer, take one down and pass it around, ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall"._

"Stop, please" Lorne yelled, grabbing his head

"So what do you think" Angel asked the green skinned demon before Cordy or Xander or whatever could open its mouth.

"He's one of the good guys, and he needs our help, oh and he can't sing to save his caboose."

Angel turned back to the newest or maybe former member of the team "looks like you've got a home."

The smile was one of Cordelia's mega watt jobs, but the sentiment was all Xander when he said "thanks Angel, I'll try to keep it down to three taunts a day."

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So Xander left with the Fang Gang and stayed with Fred at the Hyperion. He was told everything that had happened to Cordelia since she had been a part of Angel Investigations, and given the hows and whys of her new strength. This of course led to some very intense sparring sessions where Angel definitely came off second best because he was holding back and Xander wasn't. And when he wasn't training, Fred was doing her best to teach him how to be a girl, it was slow going.

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Charles Gunn was walking through the halls of Wolfram and Hart when he saw Angel standing outside a door with an odd little grin on his face. Gunn stopped next to his friend and noted that they were standing outside of Fred's office. "Another lesson in Girl 101" he quietly asked Angel.

Angel just nodded, then a voice yelled out from inside the office "I stick this WHERE four or five days a month".

And for the first time, since he found that Cordelia really wasn't Cordelia, Angel smiled and then went back to work.


	3. They Have Doctors for Problems Like This

Well another chapter, there were times when I wasn't sure whether there would be one or not. Now I think there will be four more after this one, but we'll see. Thanks to everyone that's taken the time to read or review or put an alert on the story. I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.

POE1911

THEY HAVE DOCTORS FOR PROBLEMS LIKE THIS

Faith walked into Club Force and breathed a sigh of relief. She loved the girls at Cleveland house but sometimes she just had to get out; especially when she had an itch that needed some serious scratching. Back in the Dale she had thought about snaking the Principal off B, but that was the old Faith attitude, the attitude that had landed her in jail; so she just stood to one side. Even after they'd split up Faith hadn't made a move on him; after all if he was too straight-laced for B then he really wasn't the guy for her.

In Sunnydale Faith had finally hooked up with Kennedy, and though she hadn't liked the younger girl's high and mighty attitude the slayer wanna-be had been pretty good in the sack. They had stayed together mostly because each was afraid of being alone but once they had scattered to the four winds after Sunnydale went away there had been no tears or bitching when Faith had ended up with Cleveland and Kennedy was off to Moscow.

So now here she was, senior slayer on the Hellmouth and den mother to six younger slayers, and she was dieing for some action. She scanned the club trying to single out a stud or studette or multiples for some Faith style playtime. Not seeing anyone immediately, she headed towards the bar when she heard a voice and an attitude that she recognized.

"Listen bozo, why don't you take your lame ass lines and two inch dick and go bother someone else."

Faith moved towards the voice, she recognized it, but there was no way it could be her. Fang had told her that the Cheer-girl was in a coma that she wasn't coming out of but suddenly the crowds parted a bit and there Cordelia was bold as brass and twice as sassy. She was currently facing down the would-be Romeo that had laid a bad line on her. Cordelia was wearing a badly outflanked silk blouse and a skirt that was a bit wider than a belt, but only just; and Faith thought the girl looked flat out beautiful. The twit she had just blown off didn't see that though, he was smarting from the disdain that had been heaped on his dubious manhood; face red with rage he yelled "do you have any idea who I am you dumb bitch"?

Hearing this, Faith winced in anticipation of the verbal scalpels the busty brunette would use on this dweeb. "Just because you're used to dealing with quarter a throw hookers who think you're someone special doesn't mean that the rest of us give two shits who you are. What you are is a pitiful little maggot that's probably never gotten laid without money changing hands; frankly your crappy fashion sense your lame body your tired lines and your miniscule dick do absolutely nothing for me; so why don't you do yourself a favor and back off now while you still have a little; and I do mean little, manhood intact. Cause honestly this is just gonna get worse for you the longer you stand here."

The crowd sucked in a collective breath and backed off a bit, it was obvious to Faith that Mr. Lame Romeo had some kind of a reputation even if she didn't recognize him. The man stood there motionless for a moment, his face almost purple with rage; it was clear he was trying to think of something to say, but nothing devastating enough was coming to his mind. This being the case he did possibly the dumbest thing possible and decided to just smack the bitch. Faith saw him take one step forward, then stop because Cordelia had hiked one of her Jimmy Choo's right into the guy's crotch. The move hadn't surprised her, but the speed and the power did. The guy just stood frozen with an anguished expression on his face when Faith heard the girl say "huh, I found your balls on the first try, must be some kind of marksman or something". Then, as though the words were a catalyst the man sank to his knees then silently fell over and curled up into a ball. As Cordy was walking past the guy Faith saw her take out a quarter and drop it on the guy saying "when you can walk again, how about you take this and walk down to the street-corner and find a girl that's more your speed".

Faith watched as the taller girl moved through the crowd like they weren't there and head over to the bar. Needing to find out what was up, she headed over to the bar herself only to be surprised again when the Cheer-girl turned towards her and asked "did you like the show, Faith"?

Caught flat footed, Faith's response was not the most intelligent "you're supposed to be in a coma".

"I got better."

"How"

"Long story, wanna get a seat?"

It was then that Faith's brain started working again and a lascivious smile bloomed on her face "story later, dance now" she said, and took the other girl by the hand.

"Now there's a plan I can get behind" Cordelia purred, and she followed Faith out onto the dance floor.

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There hadn't been a lot of talking at the club, only dancing and sweating. This had been followed by a trip to Cordelia's hotel room for other activities and even more sweating.

"So how'd you wake up?"

"Well, I had some help from higher up."

"What do you mean" Faith asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Well the fact is I'm not really Cordelia Chase" the girl said, then winced in anticipation of the response.

"Oh" Faith said, sitting up and backing off a bit "so what are ya"?

"Human" was the reply "one hundred percent human; come on Faith you were always better than Buffy at sensing stuff, can you sense any demon in me at all"?

"No, but that doesn't really explain your answer."

"Well Cordy's spirit had ascended and wasn't allowed back even though her body was still alive and my body was dead but my spirit hadn't moved on yet. You see, the reason I was dead was because one of the Powers overstepped its authority, so they gave me the choice of moving on or coming back. I didn't know they were sticking me in this body till I came back."

Faith thought for a second, then said "you were a guy before, weren't ya."

"How did you know?"

"The way you went at it, couple of times you moved like you had a dick, not to mention the whole dominant thing."

"Well you seemed to like it" then the mood shifted "yeah, I was a guy."

"So if you were a guy, what are you now?"

"Damn confused."

"What do ya mean?"

"Well, my brain is a guys brain, so I'm attracted to hot chicks and the usual guy stuff; football and chilidogs and that kind of thing; but my body is a female, with all the hormones and stuff so I find myself liking ice skating for some reason, not to mention it wanting me to visit 'boystown' in the worst way."

"That does sound pretty messed up there Xander."

"Yeah . . . . wait" Cordelia said sitting up "how'd you know"?

"Two things, one is you recognized me in the bar so that means you were a guy I knew; two, of all the guys I've known who died you were the only one that might have a chance of coming back."

"Thanks, I think"

"So why'd ya do it" Faith asked, her eyes earnest "why'd ya give up heaven for here"?

"I guess cause I had to help, I mean as long as you guys are fighting I gotta help if I can."

"Why though" Faith asked "why keep trying, I mean even when you were kinda being pushed out you still kept trying."

"Cause you guys are the only real family I've ever had, it's that simple."

Not wanting to have that conversation right now, Faith decided to change the mood. "So, your bod wants to take a little side trip to 'boystown' huh" Faith asked; then without waiting for an answer she reached into her purse and pulled something out that Xander recognized immediately. Waving it in her hand Faith asked "how about a trial run first".

Xander gulped and nodded while Faith replied with a truly wicked grin.

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Much later the now thoroughly exhausted twenty-somethings were snuggling quietly in bed.

"Xand"

"Yeah Faith"

"Sorry about before."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about."

"No, I mean during my first run through the Dale."

"I know."

"So whatdya mean 'I've got nothing to be sorry for', I tried to kill ya among other things."

"Yeah you did, but then so has just about every other woman I've ever know." Xander propped herself up and looked down into Faith's eyes "listen Faith, so many mistakes were made that there's enough guilt there for everyone. Me, I'm sorry I didn't try harder getting to know you, letting you know that I had some idea about what you were going through."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just that I know about parents that you can't get away from fast enough, or parents that you sometimes want to kill. I'm not saying that we went through the same stuff, but I did have an idea about what you'd been through, but I dropped the ball."

"No ya didn't X, I wasn't ready to listen, not then."

"How about now?"

"You offering to stick around?"

"Well lets see, getting to know a friend better, figuring out the limits of this body and phenomenal sex" he pulled Faith into a kiss "how about 'Hell yes'."

He released the kiss and Faith just looked up at her new friend and smiled.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It had been two months and the slayers at Cleveland house were used to Faith's 'friend' Alexa. Xander and Faith had decided it would be better if word of Cordelia's return to the land of the living wasn't public knowledge just yet so they had come up with an alias for her. The Cleveland slayers knew that Alexa patrolled with Faith, usually hanging back and using either a cross-bow or a gun but every now and then they'd seen her mix it up with a demon or two. The current rumor was that she was a previously undiscovered slayer that Faith was training on her own because the other girl didn't trust anyone else; this was a rumor that both Faith and Xander encouraged, it kept watcher involvement to a minimum.

Faith had learned a lot in two months; she had learned that guns weren't quite the boogeyman that watchers made them out to be, she had learned that she could be an effective leader and teacher and she had learned that X really trusted her. That was funny, not that he trusted her but that she always thought of him as Xander and as a guy despite the fact that he had the body of a Victoria's Secret model. The fact that he trusted her, well she was still coming to terms with that. She had heard what he said that first night but Faith's life was full of guys shoveling shit to get what they wanted. Faith was a confirmed 'actions not words' kind of girl. And X watched her back without fail and even trusted Faith to watch his; she really didn't know how to deal with that because thinking about it eventually led to her thinking that really scary word she swore she'd never use.

Anyway X had helped her with the whole leadership and den-mother thing, making Faith realize that just because she was straight with people didn't mean that everyone else was. So now Faith listened to what the girls said, how they said it, and filled in all the shit they didn't say. He also helped her with planning and strategy; no more 'General Buffy', not on her watch.

So X had taught her some stuff. He had taught her chess to learn about strategy, he had taught her to shoot so now she looked at a gun as a tool and not as something that was dangerous in itself and he taught her some wicked moves in the bedroom, or wherever else they happened to be. He also taught her that what happened outside of bed between two people was just as important as what happened in bed; even if what happened in bed made your brain melt.

Now he was teaching her about letting go.

"You know I've gotta see the others."

"Yeah I know, but I really like having ya here."

"I know, and I like being here, but it's not fair to them or to me. Especially since I told Joyce I'd talk to Buffy and Dawn."

"Yeah, so ya think you're ready to see em."

"I don't know Faith; truth is I'm scared to death."

"Why"

"What if they've made peace with me being gone and then I waltz right in and screw up their nice stable lives; I'd feel like crap for the rest of my life."

"Yeah but like ya said, it's not fair to them, you gotta give them the choice. Remember how you felt when they made decisions for ya, or remember how B got that one Thanksgiving when Fang was around but didn't say shit to her."

"Crap Faith, now you're using logic on me. I know you're right and I know I gotta go, but I'm still scared."

"Of what?"

"That when I get back you won't be here or that you will be here but with someone else. I know it's a forbidden word to you Faith, but I think I'm in love with you."

Now Faith was scared, he had to go and say it. Putting down her own fear she kissed the other girl softly and said "I can't guarantee I'll be here tomorrow, no one can, but I can guarantee that if I'm alive when ya come back I'll be waiting for ya. So, where to first, Rio or Rome?"

Rio I think, Willow will go nuts, but Tara ought to keep stuff calm, as opposed to both Buffy and Dawn going bonkers at the same time."

"And your plane leaves in an hour?"

"Yeah"

"I guess that leaves only one last question."

"Which is?"

"You gonna have a 'corder going if Red and her girl-toy decide they really like the fact that now you're on the same team as them."

The cry of outrage that followed that question was heard throughout the Cleveland airport.


	4. Strange Days Have Found Us

Insert the usual disclaimers here. Other than that I can only tell you what you already know; here's the next chapter. There's at least two, maybe three after this one, I'm not quite sure yet. Thanks to everyone who'se reading, reviewing and tagging this for an alert; mucho apreciado. Enjoy.

POE1911

STRANGE DAY

Rio was a bust, at least in terms of finding Willow. Xander had found plenty of other people, people that all in all he would have been better off not finding. He had found the dregs of the mystical community, the kind of folks that would disgust Willy the Snitch. He had found pretty boys and girls that for a few dollars would do things that he probably wasn't mentally capable of handling. He also found that the Demon population here was a lot more laid back than the ones he had known in Sunnydale or Cleveland. But just because they were laid back didn't mean they were gonna give up any information on someone as powerful as Willow; they wanted to live after all. So after exhausting all of his contacts and working out the information the few demons he had 'interrogated' had given him, Xander realized that he had a big fat nothing. It annoyed him more than he let on that he was forced to go to the Rio branch of Wolfram and Hart for the necessary information. At first he'd been getting nowhere but then he had flashed the ID that Angel had insisted on and suddenly everyone was falling all over themselves to help him out. As he watched the little circus unfold in front of him he was forced to admit to himself that Deadboy might just have his uses after all, not that he'd ever say that to the Incredible Sulk's face or anything but even Xander had to concede that Angel had proven handy on occasion.

In less than twenty minutes the answer came back, Paris; Willow was in Paris. 'Why the hell is she in Paris' he wondered 'why give up the sun and fun of Rio for grumpy smelly people that willingly ate snails'? Unfortunately neither he nor any of W & H's informants could answer that; what they could and did tell him was that she and Tara were running a New-Age shop and enjoying the City of Lights. No one could find any connections between the business or the two women and The Watchers Council, The Devon Coven or any other group; it seemed like Willow and Tara were taking themselves out of the game. Well, whatever the situation he needed to see them so he had gone out an bought a ticket to Paris and charged it on Deadboy's personal account, that made him feel a bit better, and was now enjoying his last night in Rio sitting in the hotel bar wondering what he'd say to Willow while sipping a Pina Collada; unfortunately Cordy's body didn't react well to beer.

So sitting at a bar in a city where he didn't know anyone and getting ready to fly to a city where he hopefully knew a couple of people, it came as somewhat of a surprise to actually recognize a voice in the crowd.

"Gif me 'nother" the voice slurred.

Xander turned and saw the last person he expected, Riley Finn. The soldier was already three sheets to the wind and from the stubble and general appearance he'd been in this state for quite some time. Figuring 'what the heck', Xander got up and headed over. "Riley" he said "what are you doing here"?

The ex-commando turned blearily towards him and said "who'r you, I didn't order a hooker" and turned back to his drink.

Xander nearly punched the jerk's head off for the hooker comment, but let it slide due to the alcohol and said "come on Riley, where's Sam and the guys"?

Riley looked back up at Xander, pain etched on his face "Sam's gone, some portal took her somewhersh an we can't figgur out where or anything else. Dipshit Colonel said 'we've go more important stuff to worry about so I kicked him and left. Graham called yesteday and said they were back at the Pokogon and that I'd been discarded."

"They discharged you?"

"Thas what he said."

"So why are you here?"

"Looking for WillowTree, maybe she can tell me where Sam is" he abruptly looked under the table "can't seem to find her though."

"Yeah" Xander said "I'm looking for her too, she's in Paris."

"Paris" Riley yelled jumping to his feet "then what the hell am I doing here?" As soon as his little rant was done the ex-commando started tilting to one side like he was about to fall over.

"You're waiting for the plane to take us there, it leaves in the morning and you can come with me" Xander said trying to get the situation under control.

"No thanks" Riley replied "I'd rather go with you." And with that he passed out.

"Well this is just a slice" Xander muttered on his way to the elevator; a babbling Riley in his arms.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

After the obligatory 'barf my guts out' scene, Riley had been slightly more coherent, at least he was coherent enough for Xander to get him to bed in something other than the grimy clothes he'd been wearing. Unfortunately there was only one bed in the room and the couch felt like it was made of cinder blocks, that meant that Xander was gonna have to share a bed with Riley. He gave a heavy sigh thinking about the pains he had to deal with.

Xander's eyes shot open, he was laying on his side and something was wrong; the first thing he saw was the clock that said 2:18 and that was not good, the first thing he felt was a hand stroking his backside and that wasn't good and finally the first thing he heard was a sleepy voice whispering in his ear about how beautiful he was, a voice that called him Sam, now that was too wrong for words. So he did what any guy would do in that situation and snapped his elbow back and caught the whisperer right in the face. It was only after he heard the body roll out of the bed and hit the floor that he remembered where he was and who had been in bed with him. OK, so the guy was drunk and lonely, that didn't give him groping rights. Sighing, Xander got out of bed and walked over to where Riley was laying. Riley was out cold, and Xander was half tempted to just leave him there. But he decided to be charitable and laid the guy out on the cinder block couch with a pillow and a blanket and then got back to the serious business of sleeping.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It had been a while since basic training, but Riley was a soldier to the core. So when he heard a voice telling him to "snap to grunt" he sprang to his feet, immediately awake. He had instinctively responded to the tone, which was that of an experienced Drill Sergeant, and not the voice which was entirely feminine. Riley forced his eyes open so he could figure out who he was with and what was going on because despite his vertical position he was still waking up.

When he opened his eyes he demonstrated why the army had come after him in the first place; despite the fact that he had never seen this person in the flesh, he recognized her from a picture he had seen once. He also demonstrated that he was still a guy and that she still had it by having a very usual reaction to finding yourself face to face with a very beautiful and scantily clad woman. "Cordelia, right; Xander's old girlfriend?"

"How do you know me, we never met?"

"True, but I saw a picture of you once, it was memorable."

"Obviously" she said looking down at his reaction "which one was it?"

"The red bikini."

"That was always my favorite, but I hate to tell you, you're only half right; this is Cordelia Chase's body, but I'm not her."

Riley felt himself tense up, readying for an attack "who are you then?"

"Let me give you a hint 'we were standing in Buffy's dorm room, in the process of moving her back home and you told me that you loved her, but she didn't love you the same way."

Riley thought back, recalling the conversation; he could not believe what he was hearing "Xander, is that you?" And realizing the answer that was coming, double over laughing his head off "something like this could only happen to you, I remember you saying you felt like the universes butt-monkey sometimes, but I never really took you seriously till right now."

"Tell me about it" Xander replied "and I know you want to hear all about it, but you need to get a move on cause we've got a plane to catch."

"Plane, plane to where?"

"Paris of course."

"Why would I want to go to Paris?"

"Cause you're looking for Willow, and that's where she is."

"How did you know I was looking for Willow?"

"You told me last night, mission, portal, discharged; the whole thing."

"I can't afford a ticket to Paris" Riley said, embarrassment tinting his voice.

"That's OK, I charged it to Angel."

"Angel, Buffy's old boyfriend Angel; Mr. 'Dark Coat King of Pain' Angel?"

"Yep"

"Then count me in."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was a fairly long flight so Xander was able to fill Riley in on the whole coming back thing and what he'd been doing. For his part Riley was astounded that Xander was taking the whole gender switch as well as he seemed to be. Xander had asked him what he'd been doing since they'd seen each other last and especially about the mission where Sam had been lost. Riley found himself opening up a lot more than he usually did, he didn't know if it was because Xander was somewhat distanced from the whole thing, because Xander was just easy to talk to, or if he was being hypnotized by Cordelia's rather spectacular chest. For whichever reason he spilled everything.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

All of the talking made the flight seem to go by quickly for Riley; he would have sworn that they had at least an hour to go when they started their descent to Charles DeGaul airport. Once they touched down Riley just watched Xander and marveled. He was in full 'Cordelia' mode and it got some spectacular results. Riley decided that the French were a strange people, if you try to be nice to them they treat you like crap, but if you treat them poorly they fall all over themselves to please you. He figured a good dominatrix could make a fortune there in a very short time. After watching Xander berate the cabby into loading their bags for them, they were on their way to a moderately nice hotel; again paid for with Angel's charge card (Xander got a truly wicked grin on his face when he was settling the bill).

They took an hour or so to get settled in and each took a quick shower, then the two of them set out to find Willow. According to the information from W&H the shop was called "L'Branche Doree" at 18 Rue Jouy, on the north side of the Seine across from the Ile St' Louis.

Riley was getting nervous, hopefully he would soon know exactly what had happened to Sam, or at least he would be a lot closer to knowing than he was now. He wasn't getting his hopes up, he was well past hope but the knowledge of what had happened was something he needed for closure. Riley was all for running to the address but Xander seemed to want to take it slow; then it occurred to Riley that Xander was still working out how to tell his best friend that he was back from the dead. Riley shook his head, it was still mind boggling to think of the brunette in front of him as Xander, but the stories they had swapped during the flight had eliminated any doubts he might have had.

Riley saw Xander stop, look at the paper in his hand then look at the sign above the door, they matched. "Well, this won't get any better with time" Xander muttered, then Riley saw him square his shoulders and walk into the shop. Riley was right behind him. It reminded Riley of what he remembered of the Magic Box only with more candles and fewer Newts' Eyes. He heard a voice call out "un moment" from somewhere in back; Riley knew it was Willow because Xander had tensed up like a coiled spring at the sound of the voice.

The two of them waited impatiently until an ethereal red-head bustled out into the major part of the store. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped cold when she saw who was there. "Riley" she finally managed, her voice an octave or two too high. Anything else Willow might have said was cut off when she was swept up into a huge hug by Xander who twirled her around and said "God I've missed you Wills".

"Cordy" Willow said once she got a good look at who was holding her "is that really you"?

"Kind of Willow" Riley said "but I'll let Xander explain that one."

"Xander" Willow said getting angry "what are you talking about Riley, that isn't funny."

"No it isn't funny" the tall brunette said, shooting the soldier a class 1 glare but then looked back at Willow and said "but it is true, I'm not Cordelia, I'm Xander". Without once letting go of Willow, Xander explained what had happened to him since he was shot. He also went into why Riley was there. When he had finished his story Willow had looked at him a moment and said "not that I don't believe you, but I've got to ask one question, just to make sure."

"Ask away."

"Who did I go as that first Halloween when I was in college, and why?"

"You went as Joan of Arc, one because she was supposed to be a witch and two because of her close personal relationship with God. And Oz just had one of those nametags that say "My Name Is" and he had written in "God"."

"Willow looked at him for a second with a stunned guppy expression on her face, Cordelia had just reeled off the answer without any hesitation whatsoever, and that wasn't the kind of Hellmouthy stuff that was passed on to Angel's group so there was no way she should have known it. Then it finally sank in that it really was Xander that was holding her and she said "that's right, WOW I guess that means you really are Xander" her voice started fading and she said "bye bye now" and passed out.

Seeing the state Willow was in, Riley joked "you do seem to have that effect on people, so what happens now?"

"Now you lock the door and put the closed sign out and I see if I can bring her around."

Xander carried Willow towards the back of the shop, or at least until he saw a plush overstuffed armchair. Setting his best friend gently down he started rubbing her hands and saying "come on Wills, wakey wakey."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Willow was having a very strange day. She'd been feeling down because Tara had left exactly one month ago; the blond witch had said that she needed some space to think had walked out of the shop and not dropped a line since. Willow had been tempted more times than she'd admit to cast a locator spell, but she hadn't. She was much more circumspect with her magic now. Since she was feeling low she'd tried calling Buffy, but the blond slayer was out with the Immortal, Dawn was in class and Giles was in a meeting. Slipping deeper into a funk she was about to close the store down when the bell had signaled customers. She had come out where she could have sworn she'd seen Riley Finn and Cordelia Chase. Riley had gone on about Sam being missing and Cordy had talked about how she wasn't Cordy, she was Xander. The committee in Willow's mind came to the consensus that her cheese had well and truly slid off her cracker. Willow half expected to come too either sitting in bed, crying hysterically or in a padded room somewhere. 'I might as well figure out which one it is' she thought and opened her eyes. What she saw was Cordelia who gave her a megawatt smile saying "welcome back Willow."

Willow remembered how her mother had once told her that the way to dismiss a delusion is to confront it, so she looked at Cordy for a second and said "I remember you being taller."

"It's the heels" Cordy sighed "I still haven't figured out how to walk in heels without breaking my ankles."

"That's weird, cause you showed me how to walk in heels."

"No, Cordy showed you how to walk in heels; I showed you the right way to eat a Twinkie."

"Xander showed me how to eat a Twinkie."

"Exactly"

"So you're Xander"

"I thought we'd already established that?"

"Sorry, I'm just very confused."

"I can imagine."

"Imagine what?"

"How confused you are."

"How could you imagine that?"

"Well you're having trouble picturing Xander in Cordelia's body, well try imagining going to sleep and waking up in Riley's body."

Willow's brows knitted in concentration "freaky" she finally said.

"And that's what it's like for me every day" Xander sighed.

Maybe it was the tone or the expression, but there was just something about the face that finally convinced Willow that it really was Xander talking to her and not a delusion, demon or Cordy with a really good acting coach. She finally truly believed that it was Xander and the joy she felt lit her up from inside and she beamed a great smile and threw herself into the other girls arms and murmured "good to have you back Xander."

He smiled and whispered in her ear "it's good to be back Wills."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Riley liked these two, he really did and he had known he'd have to tolerate a lot of delays before they'd get to his situation; but his remarkable (considering the situation) patience was at an end so he interrupted the two old friends "as fond as I am of happy reunions, I'd kind of like to find my wife now please. The two looked at him and blushed, if he hadn't been so anxious he would have found it almost unbearably cute.

"OK then Mr. Bossy the Cow, I assume you have something of hers, preferably hair."

Riley nodded so Willow continued "then I need to get the map out, Xander you get the sage and dragonfly wings and you come with me."

Riley followed Willow deeper into the store as Xander started perusing the jars of ingredients that lined the shop. He watched as Willow got out a map of the world, five candles and a wooden mortar and pestle. Riley drifted off in his thoughts, thinking about seeing his wife again, maybe slowing down and having kids, or a dog, or whatever. Willow's voice cut into his reverie "you know that this might not work don't you. I mean she could be in another dimension or another world or dead."

"I know, but I'm trying to be optimistic, if you come up dry then I'll try other dimensions and whatever but I don't want to deal with that till I have to.

"OK" Willow replied, then she raised her voice "hurry it up Xander, Riley can't take much more".

"Do you want a bundle of sage, or is the ground stuff good enough" Xander yelled back barely heard over Riley's outraged "HEY".

"Ground is fine" Willow called back "quickly now, I think Riley's having a conniption fit".

Riley just shot a glare at the grinning red-head this time. Just a second later Xander wandered back with the necessary ingredients where Willow immediately took them from his hands and dumped them into the mortar along with a few strands of Sam's hair that Riley had provided and ground everything together. Then Willow sat down in the magic circle that had been inscribed into the floor, lit the candles, muttered a few phrases and dumped the contents of the mortar onto the map. The three of them watched the mixture drift around the map randomly, then it moved with a purpose and settled around Rome, there it stopped.

"So she's alive and she's in Rome" Riley asked, slowly releasing a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"Apparently" Willow replied.

"Great, now that that's over can we get something to eat" Xander asked.

A bit shocked by the question, Willow shot back "are you sure there isn't any of Cordy in you there Xander, that was worthy of 'tact girl' on her best day"?

"Sorry Wills" Xander said with a hurt look "but I'm hungry, and you know how often Xander is hungry don't you?"

"Just once, but it lasts all day" Willow replied with a tired smile "sorry Xander".

"No problem, so are we gonna be eating soon?"

"Yeah, just let me get my bag and we're out of here"

"Great, then let's get some dinner."

The three of them went to a little bistro that Willow liked and they caught up with each other's lives. It was a pleasant enough evening but Xander could tell that Willow was hurting a lot about something and he figured it had to do with Tara not being around. He knew she'd never spill in front of Riley so he resolved to ask her about it as soon as they were alone. After dinner, dancing was suggested and rejected so Willow suggested that they go back to her place for a night cap and more conversation. Both Xander and Riley agreed, although Xander had been hoping that Iowa boy would head back to the hotel so he could talk to Wills; but no luck. Soon they were in Willow's little four room flat above the shop, a flat that was obviously lacking the touches that would be given by the Y chromosome (like anything to do with sports). Coffee was served and the conversation continued but Riley was soon nodding much to Xander's joy. Willow suggested that he use the bed in the guest room instead of either waiting up for Xander or walking back to the hotel alone. Once the ex-commando was settled down, Xander pounced "where's Tara, Will"?

"She's just taking a break" Willow answered, a large false smile plastered on her face.

"Bullshit" Xander shot back "don't forget who you're talking to Willow."

With her bluff called, Willow promptly folded "she left a month ago".

Seeing his friends distress, Xander took Willow into his arms "did she say why"?

"She said she needed space to think" Willow said, the tears starting to seriously fall now.

"Has she called or written?"

"No" Willow wailed "and I'm worried."

"About if she's OK or if she's coming back?"

"Both" Willow choked out "I was just trying to make her happy and she kept saying I was smothering her."

Now that sounded familiar to Xander, he remembered a similar fight he'd had with Anya and thought that this might be the same thing. "Can I ask you a couple of questions Will?" He felt the girl nod. "Do you have something that you're involved in that Tara isn't?"

Willow pulled back a little bit and thought "I guess computers, Tara doesn't like em the big fraidy cat."

"Now, does Tara have anything that you're not involved in?"

Willow really thought about this for a while and finally came up with "I guess not."

"Now has she been trying things in the last month or two before she left that you were surprised that she might enjoy, skydiving, shooting, anything really non-Tara?"

"Yeah, she has" Willow said.

"And I'll be she would come back from these things and tell you about it and you be all 'wow that's so cool, let me know when the next one is and I'll come along' and then she'd say she probably wouldn't do it again because she didn't really like it. And she'd always be a little sulky afterwards."

"Yes" Willow said, drawing the word out "how do you know all this Xander"?

"A couple of ways. First do you remember what I really liked to do when we first met?"

"Reading"

"And you liked it too."

"Yeah, I did."

"Then you started reading the same stuff as me, and I kept changing and you kept reading the same stuff as me; do you remember how that ended?"

"You started reading comics, and I didn't like em."

"Did you know I read comics specifically because you didn't like em?"

"No, why would you do that Xander?"

"Well the answer involves the second reason I know what's going on with you and Tara. Anya and I went through the same kind of thing; we had so intertwined our lives that we didn't have anything for just ourselves. It was terrible to not have something that was just your own. Anyway, we talked it out and I joined a bowling league and Anya joined the 'Female Entrepreneurs of Sunnydale' and we were both happy, cause we both had something that was uniquely ours. My guess is that Tara was looking for something like that but you were so enthusiastic about doing stuff with her that she just quit looking, and then it was only a matter of time till she left. The most important thing to remember is that Tara loves you, she'll be back but she's got to find something that's just her and you've got to ease up enough to let her find it."

Willow was just looking at her friend, her jaw at about half mast; finally she snapped out of it and asked "how did you get to be so smart"?

"I had an excellent teacher" Xander replied.

The two friends talked a little more, but both were yawning pretty heavily; the emotional fireworks had taken its toll. They went to get Riley but he was snoring away and even Xander yelling his name wouldn't wake him.

"You can sleep with me" Willow suggested."

"What the heck, it won't be our first sleepover" Xander joked; and the two of them got ready and climbed into bed together. "Good-night Wills"

"Good-night Xander. And the lights went out.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The sky was a pastel pink, and the light was diffuse, not harsh. Willow really didn't notice this, or the cloud she was currently laying on; all of her attention was focused on the blond next to her. She was laying there with a Greek style toga, not quite asleep, but not quite awake either. Willow drank in her girlfriends loveliness until she was overwhelmed, then she started running her hands over the beautiful blond, whispering "you're so pretty Tara" over and over; and everything was perfect. That is until one of those fat little babies with the bow and arrow dropped down and started poking her in the side and calling her name. She was starting to get good and angry when it gave her one last poke and. . . . . . .

"Willow, wake up."

The red-headed witch looked up, her hair tousled; her eyesight blurry but it finally set on the brunette next to her. "Why'd you wake me up?"

"Cause you kept grabbing my boobs and saying 'you're so pretty Tara'."

Willow blushed "sorry about that, I guess I'm a little lonely."

"I understand, but I'd really like one night of decent sleep and I've been fighting your hands off ever since you dropped off, now why don't you go sleep with Riley, he'd probably like you grabbing him, if he wakes up"?

"Me, and Riley"?

"Why not, nothings gonna happen?"

"I know, but he's a guy."

"And you don't like guys, at least not that way. I seriously doubt you'll be thinking of Tara when he's snoring."

Willow sighed "you're right" and got up from the bed and took a pillow. "But for the record, you got a nice rack there Xander". Laughing, she managed to duck out the door before Xander's pillow got there.


	5. The Situation Isn't Worth Getting Crazy

Yet another chapter, but of course you've already figured that out. I don't own any of the characters, but if you feel like suing me have at it; where I work makes the Borg Collective look warm and fuzzy so I could use the distraction. Anyway, just one, maybe two chapters to go depending on the generosity of my muse. As always a huge thank you to the people that take the time to read, review or slap an alert on the story. Enjoy.

POE1911

THE SITUATION IS NOT WORTH GETTING CRAZY OVER

"Hey, you've got man boobs" wasn't something Riley Finn was used to hearing in the morning; especially since it was coming from someone that wasn't his wife. He opened his eyes as he tried to move away from whoever was running her hands over his chest.

"Guys prefer to call em pectoral muscles or pecs, it sounds a lot more macho than 'man boobs' there Willow, and what exactly are you doing?"

"Lying in bed and running my hand over your chest, isn't it obvious?"

"Yeah . . . . No, I mean what are you doing here?"

"Well, apparently while I was sleeping my hands got a bit frisky so Xander threw me out. So I came in here because I'm not gonna start anything with you and you're not gonna start anything with me, so it's safe."

"So why the hands?"

"Well just because I'm not interested in buying doesn't mean I'm not gonna window shop once in a while."

"So what if I decide you're being a tease and return the favor?"

"That's OK up until I say stop, then if you don't I turn you into something icky or tell Xander and watch him kill you. Bye the way, the hand stroking my side feels nice."

With a start Riley realized that he'd been running his hand up and down Willow's side the entire time. Feeling both awkward and rather guilty, he abruptly changed the topic "so how are you dealing with the whole 'Xander's back' thing"?

Willow sighed, then tried to put her thoughts into words "I'm not really sure yet, it's still kinda sinking in; but he's already helping out. I can't really speak for anyone else, but I don't think we really understood how much we needed him until he was gone. Having him around was like having a constant reality check with good advice and bad jokes. Honestly, I sometimes wonder how we made it through 'The First' without him."

"I don't know about that, but I know what you mean about helping out, no questions, no reward, he just helps; it's almost like it would kill him not to."

The two friends just lay there for a moment and thought about the friend that had been returned to them unexpectedly, then Willow figured they needed to get the day started so Riley and Xander could get down to Rome and find Sam. So she rolled out of bed and did her usual stretch and yawn and opened the door to the living room. There Willow froze; transfixed by what was in front of her, she barely noticed when Riley came up behind her to see what the problem was.

The problem, in a nutshell, was Xander. He was on the phone, oblivious to his surroundings and obviously talking to someone he cared a great deal for. So not wanting to intrude on the conversation was part of what had stopped Willow, but a small part. Mostly Willow had stopped because Xander was on the phone in a long sleep-shirt, a rather threadbare and revealing sleep-shirt; and Willow was finally able to appreciate her oldest friend's new form. And her brain had pretty much shut down, except for one word; WOW. It was clear from the incoherent noises behind her that Riley was pretty much going through the brain melt-down thing as well, so Willow didn't feel so bad about her reaction, and her slight bit of drooling. Eventually she heard Riley mutter something about a cold shower as he hurried off towards the bathroom, Willow was right there with him on that one. Still, Willow just stood there lost in the notion that Xander now had the body of a super-model, and a few fantasies of the damper variety flashed through her head. Eventually her brain re-booted itself, and she finally became aware of the conversation.

"Don't foist it off on Steve, it won't go over the way it would coming from you."

"……"

"Sooner the better, but you know that too."

"…….."

"Yeah, me and the Cornbread Cowboy are heading to Rome."

Just then the apartment phone rang. Willow shook her head to clear out some of the cobwebs, and several thoughts involving Xander and silk sheets; walked over and picked up the phone "hello"

"Willow?" The voice sounded familiar, but Willow couldn't quite place it.

"Yeah, who is this?"

"Angel, is ummm Cordelia there?"

"You mean Xander?"

She heard a sigh over the line "so he told you?"

"Yeah, I'm still semi-freaked out about the whole notion; I'm hoping to just be whelmed by the end of the day."

"Me too, but it does get easier over time."

"That's good, I don't know what I'd do if it got worse, so why'd you call?"

"Actually I need to talk to Xander and its urgent, is he there?" Willow was a bit surprised; she had caught a note of worry in Angel's voice and she didn't know of much that worried the souled vampire."

"Yeah, he's on his cell at the moment, hang on." Turning away from the receiver she called out "Xander, Angel needs to talk to you."

Xander looked up and nodded in acknowledgement and then went back to his conversation "listen hon, I need to go; the 'Incredible Sulk' wants to talk to me."

"………"

"I don't know, maybe he wants some funky European hair gel."

"….."

"I will, you keep a lid on the Hellmouth till I get back" a pause "I love you" another pause and a mega-watt smile "Bye". Xander closed his cell phone and took the receiver from Willow's hand with a nod of thanks. For her part, Willow was stunned at what Xander had been saying. He had been talking to someone he cared about greatly, that had been obvious from the tone of voice and the look on his face. Then he had said the word Hellmouth, indicating that who he had been talking to was stationed there. The suspicion about who he had been talking to grew at an exponential rate, she couldn't wait till he got off the phone to see if she was right.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Deadboy, what can I do for you?"

Willow watched as suddenly the color drained from Xander's face. She heard him mutter "please tell me you're joking", but clearly Angel wasn't. Xander started pacing around, clearly very agitated at what he was hearing "no, that's OK, I'll take care of it; just make sure everything we'll need is at the Rome branch of Evil Inc."

"We're taking the train down, so you better have someone meet us or we'll be looking for the place all night."

"……."

"About 7:30 pm, local time."

"………"

"No, Willow's gonna stay here, it's me and Riley."

"…….."

"You remember Riley, Buffy's ex-boyfriend; you proved your maturity by beating him up."

"Jealous much, no it's something else entirely."

"………"

Yeah, I'll tell her; listen I need to make tracks here so…"

"……"

"I hear that, and Angel" Willow could see that Xander was having difficulty saying this "thanks for the heads up, I owe you one. Bye."

Xander stood there for a moment, lost in whatever Angel had told him, finally Willow chimed in "so what's going on?"

"Long story there Wills, basically Buffy's current boyfriend is not a very nice guy and he's gonna get a talking too." He could see that Willow wasn't satisfied with the answer, but he interrupted her before she could start. "We're on a timetable here, so I really can't take the time to fill you in, plus I'm afraid that if I told you the whole story you'd try to mojo his ass back to the stone-age, and there's a reason he's called the Immortal; I don't want to see you hurt."

Willow wanted to be mad, wanted to scream and rant and rave at Xander for not telling her what was going on; but she couldn't. He was protecting her, just like he'd done since kindergarten, and she could never be mad at him for protecting her; she might not like the reasons but she trusted him enough to believe that he was right. Since she couldn't be mad Willow settled for frustrated, only Xander could confarble her up like this simply by caring for her; damn him. "OK, what do you need me to do?"

Xander's face lit up "God I love you Wills" he said, hugging his oldest friend "if you're ever available and interested, now that I have the right equipment, make sure I'm the first one you call. As for what you can do, all we need is a lift to the trains running to Rome."

"Not a problem and as for being interested, wouldn't that piss off a certain slayer you happen to be dating?"

Xander blushed a deep red "yeah, it probably would."

"So Faith, I gotta say I'm surprised."

"Why"

"Well I always thought you were straight."

"I am Wills, remember my body is female but the brain is male. I'm attracted to females just like always, things in the bedroom just work a bit differently now."

Willow looked embarrassed "I forgot".

"No problem, it's confusing as hell for me and I've been this way for a while, you've had about twenty four hours to get used to it."

"But still Xander, couldn't you have found a nice demoness or something; why Faith?"

"I know it's too much to hope for that you two could one day be friends maybe because you're so much alike, but she's special Willow, and she's been through the same kind of things as me growing up. I think you kinda got focused on her image and not her, and you've just seen that ever since. Try dropping the pre-conceived notions next time you see her, and I think you'll be surprised."

"I'll try Xander, but I'm not making any promises, and I reserve the right to make comments about her wardrobe."

"Understood" Xander said with a smile, now we need to get a move on, like five minutes ago.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The two of them were sitting in a train car and watching France go by. It had been tough leaving Willow after seeing her again, but Xander knew that leaving her in Paris was the right thing to do. If she knew what was up it would have been a definite 'Glory' situation; Xander recalled how psycho Willow had gotten after Glory did her little mind suck on Tara. Only Buffy busting in and saving Willow had kept the red head from becoming Wicca pate' and Xander didn't want to go through all the worry again if he didn't have to. Xander also knew he'd catch a lot of flack once she found out what he had kept her out of afterwards, but he could live with that.

"So you gonna tell me what's up?"

Xander turned to face Riley "do you know what Buffy's been up to since Sunnydale went boom?"

"Not really, we knew she was in Rome but that's all."

"Well she's there with her sister Dawn, and her boyfriend, a guy known as 'the Immortal'."

"Now that's a name I've heard, isn't he kind of like some supernatural gangster?"

"Yeah, he's a regular Don Corleone of the demon set. Apparently he's gonna have Dawn kidnapped by some 'associates', drain her and then auction off her blood on Dbay."

"Dbay?"

"It's kind of the demonic equivalent of Ebay; Anya used it for picking up hard to find items for the Magic Box."

"And Buffy has no idea?"

"Apparently not. Angel was contacted by the Italian branch of Wolfram and Hart, they were asking if they should bid on the stuff or try to steal it. As soon as he confirmed the story, Deadboy put the brakes on any plan that went along with the scheme, and brought me in."

"So how do we deal with him, if the guy truly is immortal?"

"Well immortality is tough to achieve without some serious shortcuts. One of the most obvious is having only one thing capable of killing you; whether it's a material or certain weapon or item. This is the route our boy took, his first contract was with W&H but he hid the weapon and gave them a copy. About five hundred years later they replaced the real deal with the copy and have been holding on to it since in case the man got a little too uppity. They're gonna give it to us when we get to Rome, then we're gonna hand it to Buffy along with the evidence she needs and then we're gonna stand back as one more bad guy buys the farm."

"And after that?"

"We try and put Buffy back together after she kills him and look for Sam tomorrow."

"Now that's a plan I can get behind. But I gotta wonder; why didn't you want Willow on this?"

"If something goes wrong and either Buffy or Dawn get hurt, Willow would nuke the city to get the guy that did it."

Riley looked nonplussed for a second "then I guess keeping her away is a good thing, I kinda like the Vatican un-nuked."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

As they walked off the train Xander and Riley saw a rather striking blond holding a sign that said 'Finn and Harris'. Riley approached her "I'm Riley Finn".

"Ah, singnore Finn, welcome to Rome."

"Thank you, we understand that you have some information and an item for us."

"That is correct; if you would follow me please everything you require is in the car." They followed her out to the parking lot, both Riley and Xander taking the opportunity to appreciate her architecture. Once in the car Xander started reading the report and Riley examined the weapon. "Are you sure he'll be there" he asked the blond.

"Yes agent Finn, we have had him under surveillance all week as per Mr. Angel's request."

Xander looked up at this, but then resumed reading and handing the relevant parts to Riley. The ex-soldier swore at what he was reading. "Quite a piece of work isn't he" Xander asked.

"How can she stand to be with a piece of crap like this?"

"How could she stand to be with Spike; the best I can figure is that Angel messed with her wiring all those years ago and she keeps trying to re-create that somehow."

"So she's doomed to fall for amoral creeps."

"No, she's just pre-disposed to that."

"Well that's just so much better."

"Right there with ya buddy" Xander said throwing an arm around Riley and giving him companionable hug.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Buffy had spent a rather enjoyable afternoon with the Immortal; dawn had been at a friends place for the day. Now she was ready for a night on the town and was just waiting for him to finish up in the shower. Her pleasant reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door. Buffy checked the peep-hole and couldn't believe who it was. She flung the door open Riley, Cordelia; what are you guys doing here?"

"That's a long story Buffy" Riley replied stepping into the apartment "right now we need to know it the Immortal is here?"

Buffy was confused at the duo's behavior but since she trusted Riley she answered "he's in the shower."

Cordelia then handed her some papers "then you need to read these quickly; and this isn't from the two of us or the Council, this is from Angel."

Buffy glanced up at the tall brunette at the mention of her ex, then went back to reading the papers in her hands. It was obvious when Buffy got to the heart of the matter because she started shaking her head and muttering "no" over and over again like a mantra. Finally she finished and looked at the other two people in the room, her eyes rimmed with unshed tears "why now, after all this time, why now?"

"After looking at what Angel gave us, the best we can figure" Cordelia answered "is that his business has taking a bit of a down-turn lately so he needed some quick cash."

Buffy processed this and compared it to what she knew; he had been complaining a lot about business lately "could this be faked"?

"Yeah it could, but do you honestly think Angel would send you this if it was bogus, knowing how you'd be hurt by it?"

Buffy considered, really considered the situation; the steely look that appeared in her eyes was all the answer she would give.

"Do you have what I need" she asked; no emotions were betrayed, her voice was flat and businesslike, like she was a surgeon that wanted a scalpel.

Silently Riley pulled an obsidian knife out of his coat "you sure you want to do this"? His question wasn't whether the dirtbag should die, but if Buffy wanted to do the deed herself, everyone in the room understood this.

Silently the slayer held out her hand, the expression on her face not changing. Recognizing the look, Riley handed her the knife then watched as she disappeared into the back of the apartment. For the two that stayed behind, there were no words, none were needed; they were simply listening and waiting, it was all they could do. But even this was interrupted by the sound of a key in the door. The two turned towards the sound in time to see Dawn come in; the young brunette was clearly surprised to see them there; Xander noticed her hand grabbing at something under her coat as she eyed them both. "So what's going on guys?"

As if in answer a voice came out of the depths of the apartment "Bella, Bella, what are you doing" followed by a scream and a gurgle. Dawn was looking wide eyed at the two visitors, obviously expecting some kind of explanation when Buffy came out from the back, bloody knife in her hand and tears streaming down her face. Dawn took this all in at a glance and gasped out "the Immortal"?

"He didn't live up to his hype" Buffy answered and started to collapse. As close as Dawn was and as fast as she could move she didn't get to Buffy first, Cordelia did. Dawn watched as the other brunette picked up her sister with remarkable ease and turned to her "Riley can explain everything, I'll take care of Buffy."

Dawn started to protest but Riley cut in "you want me to tell her everything"?

Dawn saw Cordelia give a quick nod and then head towards the bathroom in back. Lacking any other target she turned to Riley and gave her best 'death glare' "you better not leave anything out".

"I won't" Riley replied with a small shudder.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"What is wrong with me" Buffy asked between sobs. She was sitting in a bathroom and crying as Cordelia methodically cleaned the Immortal's blood off of her. "Why do I keep falling for guys that hurt me, and hurt the people I care about?"

"I don't know Buffy; it might be the guys that are around you. I mean think about it, the few guys that are able to deal with your world are usually evil or ruthless or both. Sure there are a few good guys, but not many. And not to stereotype too much but given the choice between a 'good boy' and a 'bad boy', you choose the 'bad boy'; most girls would. As for the whole situation we're dealing with now, I really don't understand it Buffy. I mean even with being virtually un-killable you don't survive this long with all your limbs intact by being stupid; and pissing off the longest lived slayer in history is very much of the stupid." The brunette girl shook her head "maybe he was just arrogant and figured he could fool you about his involvement or make it look like a rival did it or something like that."

"That and he really seemed to like Dawn."

"Well maybe he did, but when it came down to a choice between his best interests and Dawn, he chose himself."

"And it cost him" Buffy finished, then she looked the other girl in the eye "do you think he ever really cared about me?"

"I honestly don't know Buffy; if I had to guess I'd say he cared, but he didn't love you. Consider the fact that he's expecting to live for a very long time, and slayers aren't known for their life expectancy; so falling in love with you would be a futile exercise, something that was doomed before it began."

"Kinda like me and Angel."

"Sorry but yeah." The brunette looked the slayer over "well that seems to be all of it; any idea on how to dispose of the body?"

Buffy just shuddered "no, God what's gonna happen, we might have to leave the country or something, I could go to jail" her voice was becoming hysterical.

Cordelia grabbed the smaller girl "let's take a wait and see attitude for now huh, freaking out isn't gonna help right now." When it looked like Buffy was calm again Cordy asked "so where is the body?"

"In the other bathroom."

"OK, you stay here and I'll go see what's up."

"Nah, I'll come, after all it's my responsibility."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm supposed to be the grown up, I might as well act like it."

Cordy just nodded at this and they headed for the other bathroom; they could hear Riley and Dawn talking in the other room but couldn't make out the words. When they got to the bathroom in question, they were both kinda grossed out because all of the years he had cheated death had caught up to the Immortal, and much like Dorian Grey, he had disintegrated leaving a messy pile of ash and some un-recognizable remnants. "Problem solved I'd say" Cordelia quipped.

Buffy laughed, but it wasn't a good laugh "that's me, the killer without consequences."

Cordelia roughly grabbed her and spun the slayer so they were eye to eye "listen to me, you are not a killer, you are a slayer; and you didn't kill this asshole, you helped him commit suicide. Think about it for a second, I mean really think, what else could you have done. If you let him go he's just gonna do something like this again, if you have him arrested he'll buy his way out and flee the country, if the police 'kill' him then he's gonna wake up in the morgue and walk away with a clean slate and a new ID, you took the only viable option and you did what was needed."

Buffy looked at the taller girl for a moment, obviously going over what had been said and done this evening, then her brow unclenched and her expression softened "you're right." Buffy leaned forward and hugged the taller girl "I really appreciate this Cordy, you've been great".

"You're welcome" then seeing the expression on Buffy's face "you've got 'but face'."

"I'm sorry, its just that I feel so dead inside right now, I was just wishing Xander were here." Buffy felt the taller girl stiffen up at this "I'm sorry, but he always could make me feel better, no matter what."

"It's not that Buff, you just need to be a bit careful using the 'W' word. But as for Xander being here, well I am."

Buffy looked up, her eyes hardened "that's not funny."

"No it isn't, but it is the truth."

"I don't understand."

"Cordelia's body was alive, but her spirit had ascended and I was a spirit that wanted to return but I didn't have a body. So the powers decided to send me back in Cordy's body."

Buffy thought for a moment "that must be confusing."

"You have no idea".

"So are you really Xander" Buffy asked, hope tingeing her voice. For the last year and a half she had wished for the presence of her best guy friend, and had blamed herself for his death. If only she had staked Spike earlier, if she had moved faster that day, well suffice it to say she had a few issues that were still pending. If what Cordy said was true, she just might be able to get out of the holding pattern her life had been in, if the person holding her really was Xander.

"I really am."

"Prove it."

The taller girl bent down so that the two were looking eye to eye again "do you remember one night in the Bronze, you were feeling all down because of college and skanky Sunday had kicked your butt; God you looked so lost. That night I told you that you were my hero, and you still are."

Buffy's eyes widened, the eyes weren't the right shade of brown and the body was totally different, but the expression, the caring, and yes the love; that was pure Xander Harris. Before she realized what was happening, Buffy wrapped her arms around Xander and felt his/her arms around her and she was crying for everything that had happened both bad and good, crying for the time that they had missed and hopeful for the time they'd have together. When the waterworks finally cleared up, Buffy separated herself from Xander just a bit "so you want to give the full story on how you ended up with breasts?"

Xander blushed "Well, after I was shot……….so I got up and went to the bathroom and realized that something significant was missing, and I've been dealing with it ever since. And let me just say I can't believe that your mom was part of this."

Buffy was laughing her head off at Xander's story, and the hurt expression on his face. "You know" she gasped out "I would have loved to have seen Angel's face when he realized you weren't Cordy."

"It was priceless, but he seems to be dealing pretty well, Willow just kept passing out when she wasn't trying to feel me up."

"Feel you up?"

"Yeah, Tara left about a month ago saying she needed some space, so when we were trying to sleep in the same bed Willow's hands just kind of wandered, it must be a subconscious kind of thing."

Buffy looked thoughtful "well that does explain some lingering questions I've had about a couple of sleepovers" then she got serious "how's she handling it?"

"Not good, I talked with her about what had caused it, but if Tara doesn't come back then" he sighed "I don't know how she'll bounce back from that."

"She's tough" Buffy replied "but if it looks like she's gonna wallow I'll just take her on a vaca with Dawn and me; go somewhere we've never been before, maybe Hawaii." Buffy looked back at Xander, changing the topic again "have you told Giles?"

"Nah, I was gonna see him last."

"Did you get to Cleveland?"

"Yeah, I spent some time there."

Buffy straightened suddenly "you're Alexa aren't you?"

As the blond slayer laughed at his pole-axed look all Xander could seem to manage was "Huh, I mean what. . . . .how did you. . . . uhhhh, yeah, I am."

Her laughter subsiding Buffy asked "so you and Faith?"

"Yeah" Xander replied, so are you OK with that; and by the way, how did you hear about 'Alexa'?"

"Well I might not be active with the slayage, but I still keep track of what's going on. There was a lot of speculation about you, who you were and where you'd come from; no-one got a picture or we would have recognized Cordelia and called Angel but that didn't happen. As for you and Faith, well it's pretty clear that I'm no guru on relationships so I guess what's important is how you feel about her."

"I love her Buff and she loves me."

"That's great; I'm happy for you, and a little sad."

"Why sad?"

Buffy sighed "well, because the last couple of years I'd daydream about us."

"Us you mean you and me, us?"

"Yes Xander, you and me. After you died I did it a little, but after the Hellmouth closed, well I've done it a lot. I would fantasize about how Anya had died but you had lived and I would help you through your grief and we'd ride off into the sunset together. But now you're back and with someone else so I'll just have to go back to fantasizing about Brad Pitt or someone.

Xander thought for a moment "well you could always come back to Cleveland and shack up with me and Faith."

Buffy blushed "sorry Xander, I'm too big a fan of the penis to give it up, even for you."

"Well that's your loss, now how about we go rescue Riley from your sister, she must be climbing the walls by now."

Buffy just nodded and the two of them headed back out to the main room of the apartment. As soon as they made an appearance Xander was hit by a very shapely brunette missile. "Xander, I've missed you."

"And I've missed you there Dawn Patrol" he leaned down and kissed her forehead "that's from you mom, she says 'Hi' and she loves you and she's watching."

"Thanks Xander, so are you taking me back to Massachusetts to get married or are we gonna live in Cleveland with Faith in an immoral and unsanctioned three way relationship?"

In the midst of her laughter Buffy wished she had a camera to capture the moment, if she had Webster's would no longer need words to describe; dazed, incredulous or flabbergasted.


	6. Shame is a Personal Thing

A/N Yet another chapter in this epic saga of good and evil. God, I couldn't even type that with a straight face. So this looks to be the next to last chapter, and possibly an epilogue to wrap up some loose ends. As always, thanks to everyone that takes the time to read or review my little tale; I just hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Thanks as well to Banadar, Cathode and Co. for thier suggestions and editing prowess. And now on with the show.

POE1911

SHAME IS A PERSONAL THING

Xander looked over at the sleeping blond that was currently snuggled into his side and wondered about the miracle of timing. There had been many times and some not to long past where he would have killed to be in the position that he was but now it was pleasant but a little awkward. It hadn't been a restful night but he believed that Buffy was over the worst of the guilt and had accepted the fact that she had only done what needed to be done; Buffy would come out of the whole thing OK and that was what was crucial.

Now that he had quieted his mind about Buffy, he considered the problem that was her sister. Dawn had seemed to fall right back into where she had been back before Spike killed him, determined to become Mrs. Xander Harris or as it stood now Mrs. Cordelia Chase. He wasn't sure how he should deal with it. He knew he loved Dawnie but he knew that it was more like the kind of love you felt for a sister. He distinctly remembered how he had felt when Buffy had just blurted out how she didn't feel "that way" about him and he felt the sting to this day and he didn't want that for Dawn but he didn't want to lead the girl on either; it wouldn't be fair to either her or to Faith. Xander knew that Faith had some monumental trust issues, and he thought that they were working through most of those, but to have Dawn hanging on him because he couldn't bear to cause her the pain of cutting her loose would pretty much destroy any relationship he had with the Bostonian. And he loved Faith; he knew that to the very depths of his soul. So he had to figure out a way to cut Dawn loose that was firm enough to make the girl back off without hurting her. He lay there wondering how his life could possibly get any more complicated.

Just then the blond at his side stirred and opened an eye "morning stranger".

"How are you this morning Buff?"

"Surprisingly good"

"Ahh, Xander the comfortador strikes again."

"He's always been there when I needed him."

"And he always will be."

"Really"

"Heck yes, my whole reason for coming back was so I could take care of my girls, I'm not gonna forget that; besides I promised your mom I would. Now I can't promise I'll be there at the drop of a hat but I'll be there that's a guarantee."

Buffy just stared into her friend's eyes and then hugged Xander tight "thanks Xander; I really don't know what I would have done without you."

They stared into each others eyes from just inches away and for the millionth time Xander found himself revisiting the land of 'what if'. Finally breaking the moment Xander said "we probably ought to get up and find Sam before Riley wanders off by himself."

"Yeah. . . . . .dibs on the shower" Buffy said launching herself out of bed with a laugh leaving Xander to just lay there and shake her head.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Xander decided that he hated Rome; there were two main reasons. The first was the traffic; it seemed like everyone here drove like Buffy, actually upon reflection he decided that everyone drove like Cave-Buffy and that was scary beyond all measure. Add to that the conflicting and incomprehensible road rules and when you complained about it not making sense everyone looked at you like you were the crazy person. Finally everyone could breathe a sigh of relief when the taxi dropped them off at the Piazza de La Rotunda. Willow had refined her locator spell so they had a better idea about where in Rome Sam could be found.

After they got out of the taxi, traffic ceased to be the main source of Xander's ire but the other big problem reared its head. In short it was the male population of Rome; due to some massive delusion all of the men seemed convinced that every woman they spotted was aching to have sex with them and considering some of the men that was an insanely powerful delusion. It was nearly impossible to see anything or get anything done with the three girls constantly being hit on, so they devised a plan. Riley would use this little locator dohickey that Willow cooked up that would help them hone in on Sam using the warmer/colder principle while Buffy and Dawn were his eyes; it fell on Xander to deflect the attentions of the amorous male population. This was a job that he excelled at despite or maybe because he didn't speak Italian. Relying on a scathing tone, body language and very sharp-toed shoes Xander kept the horny men at bay while Buffy and Dawn were able to scan the crowd unimpeded.

"I'm telling you she's close" Riley called out "Willow's gizmo is pretty darned hot."

"That's great Riley, but I don't see her" Buffy called back "what about you Dawn"?

Dawn didn't immediately answer her sister, something or rather someone had caught her eye. She mentally tried to put the person she was looking at in fatigues and get rid of the make up. She finally managed this and it clicked, the face matched the one she remembered. "Got her" Dawn called out.

"Where" Riley asked looking around wildly.

"2 O'clock" Dawn said "the one in the middle."

Buffy looked over to where Dawn indicated and did a double take; she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She shook her head involuntarily, what she was seeing had to be a mistake, there was no way this could be real. Reluctantly she turned to Riley, what she saw was utter devastation on his face.

For his part, Riley didn't believe Dawn at first, he didn't want her to be right. But as he looked he realized that she was and that she had found Sam but this was a Sam he didn't know. Maybe it was the garish make-up or the clothes or something else entirely; regardless he was shaken down to the very foundations of his soul. There she was, for all to see; his Sam, his beautiful, funny, tough as nails Sam working the streets of Rome as . . . . . . his brain was having trouble even thinking it . . . . . a mime. Obliquely he noticed Buffy, Dawn and even Xander turning away from him, not wanting to add to the burden of guilt and shame he was feeling right now; part of him was angry at their turning away but mostly he was glad because shame was a personal thing. Once Riley had wrapped his brain around the concept of 'my wife is an amnesiac mime' (which sounds like a bad Jerry Springer episode and Riley was praying that Sam had amnesia, he didn't think he could handle Sam choosing to live like this) the question became 'how do you approach her'? Do you just walk up and say "hi, you don't know me but we're married and you have amnesia which is why you now don't know me from Adam"; or do you go for the subtle approach and lure her to some semi-private area and show her the documentation you have; or do you go the 'Soprano's' route and just cosh her on the head and drag her off? 'First things first' Riley thought 'let's make sure it is memory loss before playing "what if" without any evidence' he walked up to the girl and called out "Sam". No reaction. The problem was he couldn't tell if he was getting no reaction because she didn't know who she was, or because she was so into the mime thing; so he tried again "Sam its Riley, your husband".

This at least got a reaction; the girl looked straight at him and responded "do I look like a 'Sam' to you" she asked while cupping her breasts "my name is Anna".

Riley blushed but kept going "you're my wife, Samantha Finn."

"I think I'd know if I was married" the girl shot back.

"Yeah probably, unless you had amnesia."

"Right, I've got amnesia, what are you really; some kind of perv that's looking for a girl nobody would miss so you can do whatever you want with no consequences? I go with you and wake up two days later with no idea what's happened until I find out I'm an internet porn star, is that your game. Besides it looks like you're already taken care of in the female department" she said indicating Buffy, Dawn and Xander.

"Fine" Riley said "just tell me where and when you were born and we're out of here."

They all saw Sam hesitate, it was only for an instant but it was enough; what was more, she realized she was busted and hung her head. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Just come with us for a few minutes, somewhere public and we'll show you what we've got if you don't buy it you're free to walk."

Sam thought it over for a second or two "fair enough, where and when for this?"

"Now and you pick" Riley shot back.

"Cool" Sam said "follow me."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sam/Anna was shaking her head in denial. There was no way that what these crazy people were telling her was true. She and her husband; who admittedly was a pretty good looking guy, were basically bounty hunters that worked for the US government. It was a lot to swallow. "So how did we meet?"

"You were working with the Peace Corps in Peru and some terrorists attacked the village you were in, looking for supplies. My team and I were on their trail and took em out but not before they'd killed a lot of people in the village. You asked to join the team and a few months later we were married."

Sam/Anna listened intently, wanting to believe that what she was hearing was the truth but she had no memory at all of it. "You got any proof of this?"

"Well I've got the pictures and paperwork here that documents the what's and where's but I gotta admit it could all be faked."

"Is it?"

"Nah, I wouldn't do that."

"But doesn't this leave us at kind of an impasse?"

"Not necessarily" Xander spoke up "If you're willing to come to Paris with Riley and myself we've got a friend there that's familiar with straightening out situations like this."

"Paris?"

"Yeah, I realize its asking a lot, especially in terms of trust but I really think it'll help."

"And if I say no."

"Then Riley will find some excuse to run across you every day and remind you that he's still here and maybe hit you with the 'puppy dog eyes' until you feel lower that whale shit for not at least giving it a try."

"And if I go to Paris and afterwards I still don't know who you people are?"

"Then we back off" Riley answered, shocking his three friends.

"Really"

"Yeah, I'll leave you a card so you can contact us if you need to but that's it."

Sam/Anna considered this for a bit finally she looked at Riley "so when do we leave?"

"There's a train out of here at 2 pm if that's OK."

"Yeah" Sam/Anna said "that sounds good."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It wasn't a teary goodbye at the train station but it was a heartfelt one. Xander had first gone to Buffy because he needed to make sure she was OK with everything that had happened and because it put off talking to Dawn. "Are you really gonna be OK Buff?"

"Yeah, in time I will be."

"You know I was serious about getting away from here, you, Wills and Dawnie just take off for a month somewhere you've never been before, somewhere on the Pacific."

"Why the Pacific?"

"Did you know the Polynesians say that the Pacific has no memory, I think that's something you and Wills needs right now."

"That sounds nice" Buffy murmured "somewhere warm with no memory."

"And you've got my number; use it if you need to, day or night I won't care."

Buffy hugged him tight "what would I do without you?"

"I don't plan on ever letting you find out". They hugged a bit more and Xander gave her a kiss on the top of the head then they backed away from each other; Buffy to say goodbye to Riley and Xander to say goodbye to Dawn. He eased up and gave out a lame "take care of yourself kiddo". Dawn just laughed.

"Xander" she said "you don't have to worry about me being in love with you or at least wanting to marry you. I know you don't think of our relationship in those terms aside from the fact that you're with Faith now. I'm just gonna concentrate on living my life and helping out where I can. If circumstances change and we get together then so be it, but I'm not gonna put my life on hold waiting for that to happen."

"When did you grow up Dawn" Xander asked after a moment of incredulous silence.

"While you were away."

"And how did you get to be so smart?"

"I don't know" she replied with a smirk "but it sure as heck wasn't genetics."

Xander and the Finn's got on the train to the sound of Buffy's outraged yell and Dawn's laughter.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"So what's between you and soldier boy?"

Xander looked up from the newspaper she was reading into Sam Finn's eyes. He'd actually been expecting this ever since they boarded the train; Sam was curious and Riley was making with the silence and 'that's classified' a lot. Xander had seen that the woman was becoming frustrated and angry so when Riley left to see what was in the dining car Xander just started counting the seconds until Sam tried to get information out of him; he had made it to one hundred and forty seven. "We're friends that's all, we've known each other for years."

"So you met in that town you were telling me about?"

"Yep, good old Sunnydale; Riley was a Psych TA while Buffy and Willow were there, I met him through them."

"Did you and he ever . . . . . .?"

"Nah, he and the blond you met in Rome were an item for a while but me and Riley, never gonna happen."

"Why not?"

"Not my type."

"What, too stiff and take charge for you?"

"Nope" Xander said with a grin that was almost a leer "too male". Saying this he just held Sam's gaze.

She sat there for a minute, not really processing what the attractive brunette had just said. Suddenly the realization hit her and her eyes widened till they resembled dinner plates. She began to notice her surroundings again and became aware that 'Alexa' was looking into her eyes with a frank, appraising gaze and suddenly Sam felt very uncomfortable. Stammering an excuse she got out of her seat and moved to the door of the compartment, she panicked a second when she couldn't seem to get the door to work but soon it slid open; Sam looked back to say something to Alexa, saw the tall girl licking her lips and practically dove out into the aisle. She breathed a sigh of relief when the door slid closed without Alexa following her. Then Sam got up and went to find Riley, the sooner this was over the better.

Back in the compartment Xander smiled and thought 'there wasn't any part of that that wasn't fun' and went back to his newspaper.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

After everything else that had happened, Sam getting her memory back was kind of anti-climactic. They showed up at Willow's shop, Xander had called ahead so she was expecting them, and five minutes later it was done and everything was back to relatively normal. Well except for Sam being mortally embarrassed about her time as a mime. The restored couple was making rather noisy use of Willow's guest room while she and Xander talked.

"Any word from Tara?"

"No" Willow replied then she looked up at Xander, there had been something in the tone of the question "but you knew that didn't you?"

Xander gave a rueful smile, not much got past Willow "yeah Wills I did".

"So do you know where she is" Willow asked with a bit of heat.

"Me personally, no, but Deadboy's company tracked her down."

"Why didn't you tell me" Willow asked, hurt replacing the anger in her voice.

"Cause I didn't know then, it was in the information they handed to me in Rome."

Willow looked a bit relieved at this revelation "so where is she?"

"Barcelona Spain" Xander replied, then shot his hand out and grabbed Willow before she tried to get up "there's more" he said looking her in the eyes.

Willow was wigging a bit, she recognized the look, it was pure Xander but it was on Cordelia's face and that was fairly freaksome; and she knew the look, it was the 'you're not gonna like this' look. "She's with someone else, isn't she?"

"Yeah she is, they met a little over two weeks ago; she's a minor league witch , about Jonathan's level, and she's from a fairly well to do family. I'm so sorry Wills" he concluded as his best friend's face seemed to crumple in on itself from grief.

Being who he was, even in someone else's body, he immediately pulled Willow into his arms and just let her cry.


	7. A Tale of Three Cities

A/N Well here it is, the last full chapter of this tale. There will be an Epilogue to follow, but it should be pretty short. This chapter came out a lot more serious than I intended when I first started, but it felt right so I went with it. As always I would like to thank eveyone who has read or reviewed my little tale, I appreciate the time you've taken. So with a wink and a nod to Dickens, I give you . . . . . .

A TALE OF THREE CITIES

PARIS

Willow was awake in bed, looking down at the unfamiliar face of her best friend. Xander in Cordelia's body still freaked her out, but right now it was a background freak because much more important stuff was going on in her brain. Xander had held her, all night. Willow remembered the exact second when she realized that Tara wasn't coming back, the feel of her heart breaking was still fresh, but not devastating; not anymore. Because Xander had been there for her, just like so many times before, and he had made everything; well not OK but bearable. She had broken down and he had held her, she had nearly passed out and still he held her as he tried to put her to bed. She had protested then so he joined her in bed, holding her all night, just as Willow had been holding him. Only he now had a fun new shape that was much more in line with what Willow was interested in when it came to playtime and that was the problem. Willow wanted him, more than anything else she had ever wanted; she wanted her best friend right now. But she knew that he didn't want her, not in the same way that she wanted him. She knew that he loved Faith, someone that Willow had never cared for, and would be true to her; but at this very moment she almost didn't care. Willow sat back a bit and thought; now at least she had some inkling of what Xander had gone through for 6 years. Willow had always known he had cared for Buffy and to be by her all that time and never have any sort of physical interaction (beyond hugging of course) would have tried the patience of Gandhi; she literally had no idea how he had managed. But now she knew how he had felt, she was close; so close but couldn't take, wasn't allowed to take that last step. Slowly she eased back down in bed and snuggled up to the larger girl's body "I love you Xander" she whispered. She was almost asleep when she heard "I love you too Wills". With a small smile she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.

When she woke up again the sun was out, the birds twittering and she was alone in bed, but the sound of off key singing could be heard in the shower. Smiling she got up, put a robe on and knocked on the bathroom door "you gonna be done in there soon?"

"Why, you wanna come in and help me with those hard to reach spots" Xander replied jokingly.

Willow blushed, thankful that Xander couldn't actually see her "no, but I do need to destinkify myself, and you're using up all the hot water."

"Sorry Wills, I'll be out in a minute, and when you're done I'll take you out for breakfast; that sound OK?"

"Sounds fine Xander, now hurry up and get out of my shower."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

They bought some pastries and coffee at a local shop, then walked to one of the bridges of Paris and just watched the Seine go by; finally Xander asked "so what are you gonna do?"

"I honestly don't know Xander, I mean this was the retirement plan; you know settle down with Tara away from all the fighting evil and other craziness. I was just wanting to grow old with her, now I've got to come up with a new plan and right now I'm just to screwed up to think straight."

"Could I make a suggestion?"

"Of course."

"Well I talked to Buffy about taking a vacation somewhere warm on the Pacific, why don't you go with her and Dawn, it'll give you some time with some good friends to get your life together."

Willow looked at him a bit suspiciously "are you trying to set me and Buffy up?"

Xander smirked at her, which really looked odd on Cordelia's face "no, she's 'too big a fan of the penis' to go there; all I was thinking is that you both need friends right now to help you through what's going on in your lives."

"And what about the shop?"

"Well, you've got a couple of people living there now that are out of work and do know about magic and stuff; why don't you sell them Tara's half of the business. That way they can watch the store for you now and you'll return the favor sometime later, they get jobs and you get some built in security."

"What about Tara?"

"Well, the girl she's with is well off so that money isn't a concern for her right now, and knowing her; finding out that you've metaphorically cut your ties to her by selling her part of the business will help her get over the guilt she's feeling right now."

"You think she feel's guilty?"

"Don't you?"

Willow thought for a moment "yeah, I know she feels bad, it's just that right now I wouldn't mind too much if she felt worse if you know what I mean." She looked up at her friend "does that make me evil or something?"

"Nope, it just makes you human." Putting his arm around the red-headed witch he said "come on; let's go ask Riley if he wants to enter the wonderful world of retail."

"I hope they say yes."

"I just hope they're taking a break when we get there" Xander replied. "Speaking of which, I want to thank you for not making a move last night."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Wills, this is me you're talking to; after the emotional roller coaster you went through yesterday having me in your bed, not to mention the added goodness of me being in Cordelia's body; and yes I know you always kinda envied her body, it took a heck of a lot of willpower for you to not make any kind of play; so thank you."

"So why are you thanking me specifically?"

"Because I don't know if I'd have been able to say no" Xander replied.

"Oh; well in that case your welcome" Willow answered and putting her arm around he best friend's waist, the two of them headed back to the shop.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Xander closed his eyes as France passed by his window. He was headed north, Willow was on a train south, and Riley and Sam were reuniting in the most romantic city in the world, not a bad day's work. Just one more stop to make and then it was back home to Cleveland, and more importantly, back home to Faith.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LONDON

Giles sat his Blackwych Stout down on the bar with a sigh; he was in his sanctuary; the place where, at least for a little while, there was no council, no slayers and nothing that went 'bump' in the night. Here he was just some bloke having a pint and not the head of an international organization dedicated to fighting demons. He sighed again and started watching the tele over the bar where Blackpool (his team) was being embarrassed by Arsenal. Surprisingly this made him smile because it is always nice to know that some things never do change. He felt himself finally start to relax as the cares of the job faded in his mind. He was so into the match that he was only peripherally aware of someone sitting down next to him, at least until she spoke.

"So, which team you pulling for G-man?"

Giles jerked around and found that he was looking into a pair of whiskey brown eyes that seemed to sparkle with barely repressed laughter. He took a deep breath in an attempt to get his heart-rate and emotions back under some semblance of control then replied "Blackpool actually, I pulled for them when I was much younger and now that many years have passed and I'm older and wiser, they are playing exactly as I remember from my youth; which is to say poorly". Then he turned back to see the end of the match but his voice carried to the person next to him "it's good to see you Xander, I was wondering when you'd look me up."

"Well I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd say hey. So how's the whole 'running the council' thing working out for you?"

Giles took another sip of his beer and smiled a sad smile "I used to think that dealing with American teenagers was the most aggravating job anyone could have, regrettably I have been shown otherwise. Quite frankly it is unending aggravation with everyone sure that their way of doing whatever is superior to anything that I might suggest or jockeying for my job or control or autonomy or whatever. I often find myself longing for the days where you were in high school where all we had to worry about was the Hellmouth." Lifting his beer again he said "so what can I do for you, I assume this isn't just a social call?"

"I'm hurt Giles, you know why I'm here."

"Indeed, and why pray tell should I make you Faith's permanent watcher?"

"You mean aside fro the whole 'she trusts me' factor and the 'six years experience on the hellmouth' benefit?"

"Yes aside from those."

"How about if you don't I'll tell Buffy how you and Angel conspired to have her kill the Immortal."

Giles flinched, only for a moment and just for a second, but Xander caught it and it told him volumes. "And how did you reach that rather fantastic conclusion?"

"Lets see" Xander said, leaning back and looking at the ceiling "you've got the fact that the girl told us that Angel had Wolfram and Hart shadowing the guy for a week, but they got the information about twenty four hours before we got there; that tells me it was a set up. She was carrying a sign that said 'Harris' on it even though I've been using Chase as my last name, only someone outside Wolfram and Hart would think of me as 'Harris'. Finally the girl was a slayer and no local authority would allow a slayer to work with Evil Inc. so those both add up to you." Xander looked back down into his mentor's eyes and waited for the anger, the heated denials, the claims of misunderstanding; he got none.

Instead Giles smiled "not bad my boy, but you forgot to tell me why I would do something like that."

"A couple of reasons I suppose; one is that you're trying to cure Buffy of her 'bad boy' phase. I know you never showed her the watcher diaries detailing all of the things Angelus and Spike did in their past so you decided to not make that mistake again because when you get right down to it, Buffy is still your slayer and your responsibility. Now while this thing wasn't real, I imagine that the dirtbag has done similar things in the past. So you did it because you care about her" then Xander leaned closer, her eyes hardening "and because you need her here to back you up. With the gang scattered you don't have a big stick to smack the troublemakers with and Faith can't be pulled off of the Hellmouth so you need Buffy or Willow or both."

Giles sat back and smiled broadly "excellent Xander, really that was quite well done." Then he sobered a bit "so you're saying that if I do not acquiesce to your demands you will tell Buffy how she was manipulated, thus denying me the benefit of my plan."

"Not to mention destroying the trust she has in you."

"Yes, that as well."

Xander took his time to really examine the man across from him; Giles was gazing back expectantly, like there was more. "This was a test wasn't it; a test to see if I was aware of the clues and able to piece things together. You could have set up the Immortal any time you wanted, Deadboy would have helped whether I was here or not so the timing tells me that I was integral to this and that means it was a test."

"Of course, I'm not going to put someone untried as the sole watcher responsible for the oldest active slayer."

"And now if someone bitches you can honestly say that you've tested me yourself."

"A test that you passed quite well."

"Thanks Giles, but I've got to wonder something."

"What's that?"

"Won't the watchers here in England wonder about your judgment, I mean considering the soccer team you support and all; it would be like someone in America saying 'you can trust my judgment, I've been a Cubs fan for decades'?"

Giles' only answer to Xander's laughter was to pinch the bridge of his nose and wonder if he really missed the boy as much as he thought he did.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

They were headed back to Watcher's Keep in Giles' car which was a rather dilapidated Cooper Mini. Giles had offered to put Xander up for the his stay in England, that way it would be quicker getting the paperwork done so that Xander would officially be Faith's watcher. "You know there is one thing I don't understand."

"And that is?"

"Actually there's two things, one is your attraction to wretched cars, and the other is why you isolated Willow. I mean I understand why you did what you did to Buffy, I don't like it but I understand it; but why go to the length's you did to get Willow back."

"This car is perfectly serviceable and efficient, and what do you mean about Willow?"

"Come on Giles, you must have seen trouble coming, so when a separation occurs you have someone waiting in the wings to pounce on Tara, thus separating her and Willow."

"I assure you Xander; I had nothing to do with that."

"You expect me to buy that, after seeing the depth's you're willing to sink to. Come on, the girl's family are old school Watcher's, heck; her uncle is the guy Buffy chucked a sword at during the Glory confrontation. And I'm supposed to believe that it is purely coincidental that she ends up with Tara?"

"I'm not saying that it wasn't a set up, what I'm saying is that I know nothing of it. I will admit it does seem a tad too circumstantial to be the product of random chance. Do you want me to look into it?"

"Nah, I've already asked Deadboy to backtrace the girl, if something comes up he'll let me know."

"But why. . . . . ."

"Because if it is the Council, you could accidentally give it away, W&H is on the outside so they've got a better chance of coming up with something without setting off any alarms; plus I wasn't sure if it was you or not."

"I see, and if it was a deliberate act."

Xander turned and looked at Giles, the expression on Xander's face was one that the older man was familiar with, a look of cold calculation "then someone deliberately hurt one of my girls, and that's not acceptable."

"You would be willing to kill over this" Giles asked with some surprise.

Xander's voice became even colder "do you really want me to answer that?"

Giles just looked away.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Once they got to the keep Giles insisted on escorting Xander to the guest quarters. Along the way Xander's enhanced hearing picked up the sound of someone coming and he decided to get a little payback for what Giles had done to Buffy. His steady walk turned into a drunk's stagger and his voice began slurring "tell me again why you insisted on coming to this dusty old place when my flat was so much closer" he said just as the needed witness rounded a corner ahead of them.

"What the devil are you talking about" Giles whispered furiously, his eye on his subordinate.

"My flat darling, you've been there before and I just got done replacing those nasty old ropes with the smooth nylon ones you like so much" Xander continued, sounding like a drunken sorority girl. He noted with some satisfaction that the junior watcher was looking straight ahead but his eyes were the size of silver dollars.

"Xander what on earth are you . . . . ." his whispered question died on his lips as he saw Xander glancing at the junior watcher. Giles just sighed; he should have expected something like this.

"Oh very well" Xander continued, making sure he pitched his voice loud enough for the junior watcher to hear clearly "you can tie me up and use the whip this time, but I insist you use the riding crop and not the cat o'ninetails, you're so much better with that one." He broke off the commentary as the junior watcher finally turned a corner and was out of sight.

"I suppose you think that was terribly clever."

"No, but I do think that after what you did to Buffy, a little payback was owed."

"Quite possibly" Giles conceded "here is your room; I'll see you in the morning about the paperwork."

"Thanks Giles" Xander said "I do appreciate this."

"Yes well just keep any comments to yourself in the morning and I will consider the matter even."

"But Giles" Xander pouted "with just a bit more talk you might have all the female Watchers coming to you to be punished, you know what they say 'all work and no play'."

"Thank you Xander, now it will take at least two hours of reading about demonic tortures to get that image out of my mind. Good night."

"Night G-man, see ya in the morning" Xander called out as Giles was walking away. Turning to his room he muttered I gotta remember to tell Faith about this when I see her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A week later he was on a flight back to the States. Giles had rammed all the paperwork through and he was now an official Watcher, knowing all the secret handshakes and everything. He looked over at the girl next to him, he hoped she would be as good as he thought she could be, the Hellmouth would tell. With that thought Xander closed his eyes and smiled as he sank down into the seat, soon he would be home.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

CLEVELAND

Faith wasn't happy, and when Faith wasn't happy, no one at Cleveland house was. Not that they meant to be so empathic, it was simply the fact that Faith was so good at spreading her bad mood around.

Speculation was rampant as to the cause of the bad mood; not enough slaying or too much slaying, not enough partying or too much but the more observant of the lot were able to tie Faith's bad mood to Alexa's lack of presence lately. So little was known about the tall brunette that no one knew how to search for her because they didn't have a last name to go by; so it wasn't known if she was still in town and had broken up with Faith, or if Faith had broken it off with her or if Alexa had taken off to parts unknown. Regardless of the reason Faith's bad mood had put everyone on edge, to the point where the newbie slayers were debating on drawing straws to see which one would try and get Faith laid in an attempt to sweeten her temper, but so far no one wanted to jump on that particular grenade.

So there were five grumpy people patrolling through Shaker Heights cemetery (usually the busiest because it was closest to the new Hellmouth); Faith, Shannon (a Sunnydale survivor), Maria, Astrid and William Smithson, a Watcher and the son and grandson of Watchers, four of whom were wondering what Faith's problem was. The problem, in a nutshell, was that Faith was scared. Not about the slayage, or being in charge of the mini-slayers or even dealing with vamps, demons and Watchers. No, what had Faith scared was the fact that someone had found their way into her heart and now she was in a situation where she wasn't in control and that was something she really didn't like. Ever since she'd been chosen Faith had sworn she'd be in control of her own life and that was a vow she'd done her best to keep right up until Xander waltzed back into her life and every bit of control she had went out the window. He loved her, he had told her so and more importantly he had shown her that as well, but while Faith knew this, she still had trouble really believing it. Every time the phone rang she nearly cringed, afraid that it was him calling to tell her that he was gonna shack up with Baby D and thanks for the good time. Deep down she couldn't understand why he'd pick her over his past.

Suddenly Faith stopped cold; her vamp meter was going nuts. When Faith had stopped everyone else stopped as well, knowing that something bad was about to happen. Turning to Astrid Faith asked "what kind of numbers?" Of the slayers at Cleveland house, Faith and Astrid had the best vamp sensing abilities, Faith was better at judging the power levels and Astrid was better at estimating numbers; the blond turning paler than she already was answered Faith's question. Turning to the rest she raised her voice "OK guys we've got a shit load of vamps coming our way. Now they're only coming from one direction so we get that as a plus. Now Shannon, Astrid and Billy boy, you guys drop back about fifty yards and set up some defensive cover while me and Maria slow em down; now we'll need ya to pick off the stragglers and to keep our backs clear so pay attention, but only fight from a distance. Then the two of us fall back and join you, now we don't have a lot of time so move guys."

As the other three hurried back to set up for the attack Marie moved up next to Faith and whispered "we're gonna die here tonight, aren't we"?

Faith turned to look at the younger girl "no kid, I'm gonna die here tonight. When the uglies show up I'm gonna send you back to tell the others to run cause there's too many, then I hold em off while you get away."

"But" Maria began, looking devastated.

"No buts kid, every night we go out could be our last, we know that and we go out anyway, my way one dies instead of five dieing, I know it sucks but that's what slaying's all about sometimes; just a cold equation. So I tell you to run and you run, and get the others outta here, got me?"

All Maria could do was nod and wait.

As soon as the horde of vamps crested the little rise in front of them Faith told Maria to head back and make damn sure everyone got clear. Faith could see the tears in the younger girl's eyes as she ran back. She then turned to face the demons, a stake in one hand and her knife in the other. As she watched them approach a twinkle of mischief appeared in her eyes and she bellowed out "you shall not pass". She almost laughed when the demons slowed down, looking unsure of themselves for a moment; in that moment she remembered when X had talked her into watching the whole damn series of flicks, he'd been bouncing around like a kid at Christmas when she'd agreed and had smiled the whole damn time they were watching them, Faith realized she'd never see him again and the urge to laugh went away. As her head cleared Faith was able to get a fairly good count 'crap, over sixty of the bastards; someone's been planning this for a while'. Idly she wondered who was behind it and how hard they'd die, then the horde charged her and all thought stopped. She was among them now; whirling, slashing, stabbing and over all determined to take out as many of them as possible. She knew she was racking up an impressive tally, sometimes it was hard to see through all the dust around her, but she knew it wouldn't last. Then suddenly her own prediction came to pass; a vamp had gotten behind her and even though she staked it, doing so had left her off balance and not able to properly absorb the punch that came her way. Off balance, she went down with the realization that she'd probably not have the chance to get back up. She looked up just in time to see the vamp that was stooping down to bite her burst into flames, and she saw vamps all around her doing the same thing; then she became aware of a sound, soft and in the background, some sort of clattering metal sound along with high pitched whines. After a second it came to her, someone was using a silenced machine gun, but who, and why were the vamps flaming out? Deciding that if someone was shooting, flat on the ground was probably the best place to be, Faith just lay there listening to the battle and watching the vamps turn into flambé. Finally the sounds died away, she heard two people moving towards her so she sat up. Both were female, both were carrying some big honkin' hardware and both were dressed entirely in black; making sure she had a good grip on her knife she stood up and said "thanks for the save". The taller one reached up and pulled off her ski mask "no problem babe, I'm just glad I was in time to save that cute little caboose of yours."

Faith's mouth worked for a moment or two, but no coherent words seemed to find their way out, finally she just said "Xander" and jumped into the tall brunette's arms. Xander laughed at the other girl's exuberance until their lips met and then it was time for kissing and crying and whispered words. Finally the sound of someone clearing their throat broke through to the two lovers.

"Sorry, where are my manners, Faith this is Rebecca Cohen she's being assigned here; Rebecca this is Faith."

"A pleasure to meet you Miss LeHane."

"Just Faith kid, and thanks for the rescue as well." Then she turned back to Xander "this place has a full compliment of slayers, why're we getting an extra?"

"Long story Faith, lets head back to the house and let em know you're still alive."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

William Smithson looked down at the pile of papers in front of him "so to summarize; Miss Cohen will replace Miss LeHane, you will become Miss LeHane's sole Watcher, and you both are now independent of the command structure."

"Exactly" the young woman he knew as Alexa answered "Faith and I will remain in Cleveland for the most part where we will work with you, not for you; however, we will also be sent into situations that might require extra manpower or someone outside the traditional council structure. Think of us as roving trouble shooters with Cleveland as our home base."

"I must say Miss Chase, I find the entire situation unseemly. I know that you and Miss LeHane are . . . . . together, I know that you have very little formal Watcher training and I know that you embrace the unorthodox"

"Like guns"?

"Yes, like guns; much too quickly for my taste. However, Mr. Giles has vouched for you and I trust his judgment but know this" he leaned forward "there will be a lot of attention on you and how you perform; from myself as well as others and if I believe that your methods or judgments are harmful, then I will do everything I can to remove your influence from all slayers" he concluded with a glance over at Faith.

For her part, Faith was ready to jump across the desk and pummel tweed boy; it was only Xander's presence that was holding her back so she just sat there and smoldered.

Xander just looked at the watcher across from him and smiled "that's good to know William and since we're putting our cards on the table I should make you aware of the fact that since this is an experiment on Mr. Giles part so I do expect an extraordinary level of scrutiny and I would return your warning to you, as a Watcher if I feel that your animosity towards this program is endangering the girls I will have you removed, one way or another." This last was delivered with a hard look and a tone somewhere around the temperature of liquid nitrogen.

Smithson looked shocked for a second but covered it well, British manners coming to the fore "well since we know where we all stand I will bid you two good evening and get Miss Cohen settled. He stood up and extended his hand "it will be interesting working with you Miss Chase."

"I look forward to it Mr. Smithson" Xander replied "I'll let you know when we've found a permanent residence."

"Thank you and good evening" he said as he watched the two young women leave.

Once they were outside the house Faith turned to Xander "so where are we shacking up for now?"

"I've got a room down at the Hilton; we'll stay there till we find our own place."

"The Hilton" Faith purred "do you think they have good soundproofing?"

"Why don't we go find out" Xander replied.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hours later, a thoroughly exhausted Faith snuggled into her lover's side the night had been incredible "I couldn't believe it when I saw you, I figured you'd never come back."

Xander raised his head and looked at the raven haired slayer "why would you think that, I love you."

"I know and I believe you; well most of the time anyway, but I figured you'd see the old gang especially Red and Baby D and decide you'd be better off with them than me. All the time you were gone I half expected a 'thanks for the memories' phone call every time the phone rang."

Xander just thought a moment "Faith, I know you were hurt in the past by people that said they loved you, so I can understand why you feel the way you do" here he rolled onto his side so he could look the other girl in the eyes "but I love you, you Faith and the only way anyone and I mean anyone will get us apart is if one of us is dead."

"Thanks Xander" Faith sighed "you're a hell of a guy."

"With great tits" Xander replied with a smirk."

"Absolutely" Faith replied "that's one of the reasons I love you."

"Don't you mean two of the reasons."

Then there was laughter and love and finally sleep.

THE END

POE1911


	8. Epilogue

A/N Here it is, the end of the tale. I'd like to again thank everyone that has read my story. For those of you who reviewed it, many thanks. I kinda like how it ended, although I really didn't see it coming when I started, so I might think about a series. Who knows, I certainly don't. Anyway, enjoy and thanks again for reading

POE1911

EPILOGUE

The sun was bright, the sand was warm, the ocean was beautiful, the scenery (both natural and human) was unsurpassed and Willow Rosenberg was miserable. Well, miserable might be too strong a word, but she certainly wasn't happy. She was sitting under a beach umbrella, a semi-trashy paperback in her hands, watching the people walk past her and wishing she could find some way out of her emotional doldrums.

When she had come out here six weeks ago she had been determined to get on with her life, to start again with a new plan. But her old plan had been pretty much 'Tara' and without that foundation to build on, Willow was floundering. She had tried different ways to move on, the party scene, the drinking and dancing scene, even the one night stand scene but nothing had broken her out of her rut.

She looked out at the ocean again. Buffy was out there on her board talking to the other surfers. Less than a week after they had arrived Buffy had tried surfing on a dare, her slayer agility, strength and reflexes had made her a natural; the fact that the guys were buff and pretty didn't hurt either. Buffy had found her Zen; somehow surfing had calmed the slayer, had made her life more centered. Willow couldn't remember Buffy ever being this content with her life.

On the beach Dawn was hanging out with a group of archeology students from Arizona State University. They were here excavating a Polynesian village and Dawn using the opportunity to learn another language. Willow smiled to herself; leave it to Dawn to end up learning something major while vacationing in paradise.

'Odd girl out or not, at least I can catch up on my relaxation' Willow thought. She adjusted her bikini a little and leaned back for a nap. She had just closed her eyes when she heard Dawn's voice call out "Xander". She looked up to see Dawn sprinting towards two brunettes. After taking just a second to appreciate the fact that 'Little Dawnie' was quite grown up, Willow stood up and headed towards the little group that had formed by the water's edge. Dawn was still hugging Xander, who was wearing a very nice yellow bikini that had electric blue highlights and Buffy had paddled in and was talking to Faith who was decked out in a bikini as well but true to the slayer's color scheme of choice, it was black. Willow had a momentary thought of Faith looking for a leather bikini, but she banished it to the darker regions of her brain. "Hey guys, what brings you two here?"

"We just got done with a pretty hairy job" Faith replied "Jeeves said we'd earned some down time so we thought we'd swing by and see how you guys were doin'; if that's cool with you?"

"Great" Buffy replied, come on back up to the house and we'll get you settled and make some plans for tonight."

"Cool. So how'd you get to be all 'surfer girl' there B" Faith asked with an impudent grin and the five of them headed back for the house. Willow noticed with a falling heart that Faith and Xander held hands the entire way.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Willow got up early, turned the coffee maker on and as soon as it was ready she poured herself a mug and headed out to the beach, she needed to think; OK she needed to brood. Last night hadn't been restful for many reasons, the main one was that Xander and Faith hadn't been very quiet, but then neither had Dawn or Buffy with their guys du jour. All the noise and the reasons for it had gotten Willow thinking about her life now, wondering if she had blown her only chance at happiness and was now doomed to be this loveless hanger on for the rest of her life. She was gazing at the ocean and really starting to get the pity party rolling when a voice in her ear shocked her back to the here and now "how'd you sleep last night Red"?

"Not very well" she snarked at the new arrival "it was kinda noisy."

She looked over and saw Faith blushing, she had to look again because she really didn't believe what she was seeing, Faith never blushed. "Sorry about that, it's been a while and well . . . . sometimes we get a bit carried away."

"Sounded like more than a little" Willow said, still being snippy, but then her voice changed "so why had it been a while?"

Faith looked over at the girl "has anyone told you what me and X are doing these days?"

"Not really."

"Well Jeeves put me and X together as kind of mobile trouble shooters, we're stationed in Cleveland, but if something comes up anywhere, well that's where we go. You know, if someone needs some extra muscle or there's like an apocalypse on the horizon that kind of thing. Anyway, this last job was kinda rough."

"How rough?"

"A couple of dead slayers and a dead Watcher rough" Faith said looking away. "We were up against this Warlock guy and neither me or X are real big on the mojo, so we had to take him out the regular way, but it took time, too much time."

"I'm sorry" Willow said and for a change she didn't feel any of the usual animosity she held for the dark slayer "are you two OK?"

"I'm OK, but X kinda blames himself for what happened, figures if he'd have come up with a better plan or something; I try to tell him that death and slayers go together, but I don't think he'll ever accept that. It's kinda great, but it's also kinda scary, you know what I mean?"

"I think so" Willow said, she turned away from Faith, letting the silence come between them as they both stared out at the ocean, lost in their thoughts. Finally Willow broke the silence "is there any way I could help?"

"Actually you're why we're here."

"Me, why?"

"Couple a reasons, first both B and Baby D called about you still feeling down and out about what happened; you know how X is about one of his girls. Second is after this last job we both figured that we could really use someone that's good with the books and the mojo on our side, so we both thought of you."

"But I quit."

"Yeah, I know; but X figure you might just need to get back on the horse kinda, so he was gonna ask you to come back to Cleveland with us and join the team. We got our own place so you wouldn't have to deal with a lot of mini Slayers or nosy Watchers in your business or anything."

"You'd want me to live with you two?"

"Yeah, or you could find your own place if ya wanted but there's plenty of room, there's even a couple of rooms you could convert for your mojo work and stuff."

"But, I . . . well, it's like this; I . . . ."

"Have a thing for X, especially now that he's in the Cheer Girl's bod?"

Willow tried a couple of times to answer, heck to form coherent words; but in the end all she was able to do was blush and nod and look miserable.

"I know, so does X; but the way I figure it is this, you don't wanna do the cheating thing all over again, cause ya already did it once and it blew up on ya and I know X feels the same way; I'm not stupid, I know ya got a jones for him, but I trust both of ya."

"But to have him that close and know I can't touch, that would be torture."

"Who said ya can't touch?"

Willow just stared blankly for a second as her brain re-booted; there was no way she could have heard Faith correctly. "WHAT?"

"All I'm sayin is that if me and X are havin a good time, no law says you can't join in. Only rule though, if you do come over for some 'playtime' it's always the three of us, hopefully we'll avoid all that jealousy crap along the way. Me and X figured that doin that would help you relax, plus hangin out with a couple of kickin brunettes would make sure you get seen if you're interested in finding someone for a one on one or even something long term. So whadda ya say, you in or out?"

"I…I…..I" Willow stammered, her brain currently was flickering like a strobe light; there was just too much information to process.

"I think you broke her" Xander said with a laugh, coming up behind the two women.

All the while Willow just stood there stammering, trying desperately to speak, when all the sudden she felt a pair of lips on hers. She relaxed into the kiss and when it was broken she was surprised to find that it was Faith and not Xander that had kissed her, but that didn't change her answer. "In" she said, then snaking one arm around Faith's neck and the other around her waist she said "more please" and dove in for another kiss. Behind them Xander just smiled and pulled his two favorite women into a warm embrace.

THE END


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